


When Photographs aren't Mirrors

by sixxdaysofmylife



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 08:46:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11597130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixxdaysofmylife/pseuds/sixxdaysofmylife
Summary: Will develops an eating disorder and learns the difference between mirrors and photographs.





	When Photographs aren't Mirrors

1: Beginnings

Will was hungry. He had been since his return, but now, a month later, he didn’t want to be. His body had changed, the lack of exercise with the addition of an unsuitable hunger, a change had been inevitable. Now looking in the mirror, Will didn’t see himself.

His reflection was grotesque, _really it wasn’t that bad_ , he looked so unhealthy, _really he looked in better health than ever._ He didn’t like what he saw at all, he hated what he saw. Will decided he’d have to get used to being hungry.

Walking back into the dining area, Will saw Joyce preparing dinner. It was some sort of meat with potatoes and vegetables, usually one of Will’s favourites; the thought of how it was all cooked in butter only repulsed him. Joyce was going to be a problem, she was so concerned about Will’s wellbeing, if she even heard one rumble of his stomach she practically shoved food down his throat.

He’d just have to try his hardest to get the smallest portions he could, or push things around his plate until everyone else was finished and he could offer to do the washing up. But for now, he’d just have to eat a bit, and then make the excuse that he wasn’t hungry, perhaps he’d throw it back up again later.

Jonathan gave Will a funny look half way through their meal, but no one said anything when Will left two thirds of his food uneaten, and then promptly excused himself to the bathroom. Throwing up was harder than expected, and Will tried to be as quiet as possible, so it took him a while, but he did it.

Throwing up made him feel amazing, but also disgusting, how could he have lost control in the first place and had have to have put himself in this position? If he wanted to make things better, he was going to really have to work hard.

 

2: Dungeons & Disasters

The next day, Will got himself ready to go to Mike’s house for their second game of D&D since his return. Mike had planned a few games because he had wanted to spend as much time with Will now that he was back.

He decided to wear Jonathan’s yellow and grey flannel, borrowing his older brothers clothes was something Will did a lot these days, maybe it was because the clothes were too big and he wanted to hide, or maybe it was because he wanted to be closer to his brother.

Will grabbed his backpack, containing his supercom, a half completed rubik’s cube and a torch, and rode his bike to Mike’s house. When he arrived, it was just Mike alone in the basement, so after a quick hello to Karen, he went down and joined him.

Mike gave Will a hug and asked if he wanted a drink or anything, Will politely declined, taking off his coat and hanging it over the chair that he would be sitting on during the game. He brought out his rubik’s cube whilst they were waiting for Dustin and Lucas to arrive, it had been a gift from Mike himself and Will still couldn’t work out how to solve it.

“If you turn the back and middles pieces to the side, and then try and do that move, the whites will stay in the right place when you turn them back.” Mike instructed, having already solved his own one.

“But won’t that mess up the yellows?” Will asked, frustrated at the little colourful cube.

“Oh yeah, damn” Mike had to think for a moment, trying to remember how he got past this problem, but before he was able to give the answer, a crash of the door swinging open sounded the arrival of the two other boys.

“Yo!” Dustin came rushing down the stairs, followed by a slightly calmer Lucas.

“He’s had a sugary drink, it’ll wear off soon.” Lucas sounded like an embarrassed mother and facepalmed when Dustin tripped over his own shoes, landing right a Mike’s feet.

“Alright there?” Mike laughed at the curly haired boy and gave him a hand to help him up.

 

3: Dungeons and Disasters continued

“Lucas, your action” Mike announced as dungeon master, an unknown creature was on their tail and everything was building up to a battle.

“Um, I don’t know, guys what should I do?” There was a tense atmosphere, if this creature was something bad alike to a demogorgon or a thessalhydra, this move could have critical implications, however if it was just something easy to kill, alike troglodytes, it wouldn’t matter.

The moment was so tense, that when Karen opened the door to bring the boys some food, they all jumped out of their skins, but laughed it off and received the food gladly. And then there was Will. He said thank you after being passed his plate by Mike, but was so torn, he was so hungry, but that was a good thing, which was how he should stay.

He couldn’t just not eat, just his conflicted facial expression had Mike worried,

“Hey Will? You okay?” Mike frowned at his best friend’s odd behaviour.

“Um, yeah, just not really hungry” Will smiled to try and reassure Mike, who clearly wasn’t buying it.

“Sure?” Mike looked confused, this was not at all like Will, but went along with it, if he acted like this again, he’d have to ask again, but for now he just ate his own food and put his worry to the back of his mind.

Will put his plate down on the corner of the table and picked his rubik’s cube back up, better occupy the time with something.

Dustin ended up eating most of Will’s plate anyway, so at least it didn’t go to waste like Will had worried, he was the poorest of them all, and did feel bad wasting the food that he would’ve killed for in the Upside Down, but he was trying to fix himself, that was important.

 

4: Audible hurt

The game ended much later than any of the boys had expected, so Mike offered them to stay over rather than having to cycle back home in the cold dark, Lucas and Dustin decided not to stay because they both had other commitments the next morning, and Will was going to decline, but Mike said it was too dangerous for him to cycle alone over Mirkwood.

Mike lent Will some pyjamas and Karen called up Joyce to tell her not to worry where Will was, that he was staying over. Will got changed in the bathroom, being careful to lock the door, he unbuttoned his shirt, removed his jeans and stared at himself in the full length mirror.

He was so hungry, it hurt, and now it was audible. His stomach let out a hollow growl, begging for Will to put something inside it, he tried to stop the noise by drinking a glass of water from the tap, but it only made it slightly quieter. He’d have to put up with it.

Returning to Mike’s room, Will helped out Mike in getting the airbed assembled, they struggled to work out how to stop letting the air out, but eventually managed it. Will climbed in and said goodnight to Mike who was climbing into his own bed.

Mike turned out the lights, leaving them both in the dark, Will wasn’t ready to sleep, but didn’t complain, he was in Mike’s house, after all. He lay awake, eyes staring into the black abyss, trying his best to stop his stomach from rumbling by sucking in abdomen, but failing and cringing at the noise.

He hoped that Mike hadn’t heard it, but when the boy’s mattress creaked, his hopes shattered.

“Hey Will?” Mike’s whisper, though quiet, filled the room, “Do you want something to eat?”

“No, I’m okay thank you” Will replied, trying to be as quiet as possible, he was very embarrassed.

“Are you sure? You didn’t eat any of your dinner!” Mike had clearly noticed that then, Will felt stupid for thinking that he had gotten away with it, thinking that no one would care, this was Mike Wheeler, the most caring person in the world, of course he would care.

“It’s okay, I can wait till breakfast, goodnight Mike.” Will just wanted kick himself for saying he’d eat breakfast, but it was the only realistic way he could end the conversation.

“Goodnight Will.”

 

5: Giving in to breakfast

By morning, Will had barely slept, hunger pains had kept him awake, he had spent most of the night in the bathroom, so his growling stomach didn’t get so loud that it would wake Mike. He probably only got about two hours of sleep, his eyes now carried the evidence in the form of dark bags.

Mike woke up at half nine, an alarm that had a very tired Will jump out of his skin, was what woke him.

“Good morning Will” Mike’s morning voice was much croakier that his normal, Will guessed he didn’t sound too great either.

“Morning Mike.” Will’s voice had cracked halfway through, earning a giggle from the other boy.

“Did you sleep okay?” Mike swung his legs around so he was sitting facing Will on the floor, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned.

“Um, yeah, I slept okay I guess, you?” Will didn’t want to concern Mike so early in the morning, and it wasn’t all a lie, for the two hours he did sleep, he slept well, its just the rest he didn’t.

“Yeah, thanks” Mike smiled, “Wanna go grab breakfast and watch some TV?”

“Sure.” No. Well, of course he’d love to eat, he was so hungry that he felt dizzy, but _really_ didn’t want to put a single thing in his body.

Mike suggested a few things, before they came to the agreement of Eggos, Will hoped that he’d get away with eating only one of the sugary, calorific things, but Mike put four in the toaster, so that was that hope out of the window.

Will ate his very slowly in a mixture of savouring, and hoping Mike wouldn’t pay attention so Will could slip the other one in his pocket, which he wasn’t very successful at, as he tried to put it in his pocket, Mike turned around, so Will pretended that he had just dropped it and laughed it off.

They watched TV and Will contemplated throwing up the food, but it would be very impolite to do so in someone else’s house, plus he needed at least a little energy, so kept it down.

By 11, Will decided it was time for him to go home, so he said goodbye to Mike, retrieved his stuff from the basement and rode his bike home, alone.

 

6: Home

It was definitely scary riding alone, though better in the day, Will still didn’t like it. He was annoyed himself for saying no when Mike offered to cycle back with him. Feeling so uneasy on his own, Will decided to cycle the rest back as quickly as he could.

He definitely didn’t have the energy to spare, he practically fell through the door when Jonathan opened it.

“Woah there!” Jonathan steadied his brother into an upright position, “You alright?”

“Y-yeah, sorry, cycled fast, not much energy.” Jonathan led him to the couch and went to get him a glass of water, thankfully the dizziness wore off quickly, maybe the Eggos weren’t a terrible idea.

“Here you go,” a cool glass of water was placed in Will’s sweaty palms, “want anything to eat? You look very pale, have you had breakfast?” Jonathan placed the back of his hand on Will’s forehead.

“No I’m okay thank you, I had breakfast at Mike’s.” It felt nice to tell the truth, but Will still felt guilty, for another reason entirely, he wished he hadn’t eaten both those waffles.

After having a chat about what Will got up to at Mike’s, Jonathan had to leave for work. He’d got a permanent job at the Hawkins Photography Studio, the family needed the money to pay for Will’s medical bills, and to get by, Will felt really bad about it, but Jonathan insisted that he was planning to get a job there anyway.

Joyce was off working too, which left Will alone in the house, for the first time since the Upside Down. He walked around the house, going in every room, leaving all of the doors open, otherwise he’d be scared. He took the opportunity to make it seem like he had made himself lunch, cutting a bagel in half, making sure to get the crumbs on the worktop, he then put the bagel in the trash can. Next he got a knife and scooped out some peanut butter from a jar, then taking a piece of tissue, he spread the peanut butter so that the knife looked used, he placed it next to the sink, ready to be washed. Finally he covered the bagel in the trash with the peanut butter tissue. Perfect.

He didn’t bother with a plate, everyone knew in the Byers house, Will didn’t really like washing up, and would generally avoid it if he could, so wouldn’t use a plate to eat a sandwich or bagel.

He did grab himself a diet soda, checking the calories and sugar to find zero to each, satisfied, he drank it.

For the rest of the day, Will busied himself by drawing some bodies. One of which looked like himself now, or how he perceived himself to look. The drawing disgusted him, so he put a big cross through it and put it in the waste bin next to his bed. Then he drew how he wanted to look, it was a skeletal thing, almost not human, but so very beautiful. Sharp features, piercing eyes, prominent collar and hip bones, it was all what Will wanted, and none of what Will thought he had.

In reality, Will did have cheekbones, though not as prominent as they had been after his week of starvation and thirst in the Upside Down, they were still very much so there, he too had prominent collar and hip bones, but his warped perception of himself just couldn’t let him believe that.

Will became angry with his drawing, it all seemed too difficult to achieve, too far of a reach, too far away. He ripped his drawing apart, angrily throwing it into the waste bin, in a fit of tears and rage. He buried his head in his pillow, in an attempt to stop the tears, the exhaustion finally took over his body, and he fell into a well needed sleep.

 

7: The Drawings

Jonathan finished his shift early, coming home to a peacefully quiet house. He noted the open doors, he understood, after where Will had been, it was no wonder that he’d be paranoid. How he found Will broke his heart and warmed his heart in an impossible way. His little face had the expression of one whom had seen the horrors of the world, but in such an innocent, childlike way, Will didn’t deserve to have gone through what he had, he had already been through enough.

Living with Lonnie, Will was used to sharing space with monsters, but the Demogorgon was different, yet the same in so many ways. Jonathan felt like he needed to be there for Will, he had always felt that, not only as a brother, but as someone that Will could talk to, that Will could trust.

Jonathan decided it best to leave Will sleeping, from his exhaustion coming in the door, to the dark bags around his eyes, it was clear that he needed it.

On his way out of the room, Jonathan spotted a piece of paper that appeared to have fallen out of the waste basket, he picked it up to put it back where it came from, but couldn’t help notice what was on it.

Half of a body, skeletal and sickly.

Jonathan became instantly curious and amazed, the drawing was so elegantly detailed, in a frightening way, why was his brother drawing such an odd thing? Jonathan wanted to see the whole picture, so removed the other pieces of paper from the waste basket and took them to his own room.

Closing the door behind himself, he spread the paper on his bed, some were from the skeletal drawing, and some were from another, he’d get to that one in a moment, but he did his best to put together the skeletal one.

After arranging it into its original state and taping it together, Jonathan studied it. It was the most detailed of all Will’s drawings he’d seen, obviously drawn to look beautiful, it worried Jonathan, especially when he compared it with the other drawing which he taped together.

The second drawing was a normal body but slightly softer, it had a huge angry red cross through it, which worried Jonathan even more.

What was going on with Will?

 

8: Excuses

Will woke up half an hour later, it was dark outside and although he needed it, he wished he hadn’t slept, now he would be up all night. The next thing he noticed was so incredibly hungry he was, he had only had two Eggos since two days ago, and oh god did it hurt.

It was like there was a void in his stomach, it ached like nothing he had ever felt, but he loved what it meant. He wasn’t weak, he could do this.

A sharp knock on the door brought Will out of his thoughts and into the real world,

“Hey Will? You awake?” Jonathan must’ve arrived a while ago.

“Yeah.” Jonathan entered the room, two pieces of paper in his hand, it didn’t take long for Will to realise what they were, how and why did Jonathan have those?

“I found these, they’re really good, but why did you draw them?” He handed the taped pieces of paper back to Will.

“I was practising, I messed up this one,” Will gestured to the ‘bad’ one, “That’s why there’s a cross through it.” It was believable enough, Will was a perfectionist, especially when it came to drawing. Jonathan didn’t seem completely convinced, looking to have taken the excuse with a pinch of salt, but decided to leave it at that.

“Mom will be home soon, want to help me make dinner?” Jonathan offered, this would be perfect, he could make sure not to cook things with too much of anything bad,

“Sure!” Will hopped off his bed, throwing the drawings in a drawer and following Jonathan to the kitchen.

 

9: Dinner

“Smells great guys! Whatcha cooking?” Joyce gave the boys both a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

“Pot roast, this one’s idea.” Jonathan ruffled Will’s hair, Will didn’t really want pot roast, but he couldn’t think of anything else, besides, he could always throw it up later.

Obviously being only the third day of his diet, there had been very little change on Will’s body, but with how he was going, it was Wednesday today, by maybe Friday, he would have lost some of it.

The timer went off and Jonathan grabbed the pot roast out of the oven whilst Will laid the table, he chose the smallest plate possible for himself, in the hopes that he’d be given a smaller portion.

They sat at the table, Will’s portion was much bigger than he wanted, but he put up with it, again, he could just throw it up later, which was what he planned to do anyway.

“So, what did you guys get up to today?” Joyce asked in a very motherly way.

“Well I was at work all day,” Jonathan looked guilty, “I know, I know, I should be home for Will, but I really want to be able to help financially in the house.” Joyce tried to argue against it, but it was true, the family was living in relative poverty. Joyce tried to change the conversation,

“What about you sweetie? What’d you get up to?”

“Well, I drew some pictures and then slept for a while, catch up from last night.” Will giggled at Joyce’s disapproving expression, but she laughed too, so she clearly wasn’t angry.

“Can I see your drawings?” Damn it, why did he think she wouldn’t ask that?

“They’re not very good, I’d rather not.” It was much easier for him to talk to about his failures to Jonathan, so if Joyce asked why there were rips or crosses, it would be so much harder to convince her.

“Well okay then, how was your stay at Mike’s house?” Will was thankful that she dropped the conversation rather than further questioning, he wasn’t very good a lying.

“It was great fun, Dustin was very hyper which wasn’t an amazing idea because he kept falling over, oh and I made some progress on my rubik’s cube too!” It was true, Will had had a lot of fun the previous night, although it would probably be best to keep Dustin away from drinks with high amounts of sugar, he did nearly tip over the whole table and all of the D&D game with it!

Will talked about the night before, he lost track of his eating and finished his whole plate, he felt disgusting, that had been a lot of food even for Will normally, now it was sitting in his stomach heavily. His belt pressed into the flesh of his belly, if he didn’t remove it soon, it would leave a nasty red mark. Will excused himself to the bathroom to sort out his problem.

With one quick shove of fingers at the back of his throat, half of his dinner came back up into the toilet, then a second shove of fingers, and the rest came too. It smelled foul, so he quickly flushed it, he felt awful, very dizzy, so quickly washed his hands and went to sit down with his family on the couch to watch some TV.

 

10: Realisation

“Goodnight Will, sweetie, make sure you go to bed soon, it’s quite late!” Joyce planted a kiss on Will’s fringe covered forehead and went to her bedroom for the night. Will was alone. Jonathan had already gone a few minutes prior.

Will felt scared on his own, but there were other people in the house, which gave him a little reassurance. He stayed sat on the couch, not sure what to do, he couldn’t watch TV because everyone else had gone to bed, but he wasn’t tired, so he couldn’t sleep.

He decided it would be best for him to go to his room, so he turned out the lights and ran, he was afraid of the dark.

Once he got to his room, he faced the same problem, what should he do?

Will decided to draw some better pictures than his last ones, and not ruin them this time, oh and keep them private, he didn’t want to be caught again.

He turned off his main light and just had the room illuminated by a dim little lamp on his desk, it was enough light for him to draw peacefully.

He drew himself, how he wanted to look, paying attention to the collar bones which were obvious through a polo shirt, and elegant looking fingers, long and thin. His hair was wispy and dreamy, but still in his classic bowl cut, though he was relentlessly teased for it, he did quite like it. His jawline was sharp, sharp enough to cut skin, and his cheekbones, deeper than the ocean. He was so beautiful, oh how he wished that he really looked like this.

It struck him how most of the features belonged to his best friend, Mike. The jawline. The cheekbones. The stark contrast between his pale, freckled skin and his jet black hair. Will longed for it all.

Without noticing, Will had started to draw Mike, it was a much more beautiful than the one of himself, the features looked natural and normal, not completely impossible like Will’s. It broke his heart, he just wanted to be perfect like Mike.

 

11: Breakfast

The next day, Will woke up, he had fallen asleep on his desk, but other than a crick in his neck that went away quickly, he was okay.

Joyce called down the hall, summoning the boys to breakfast, Jonathan must’ve had a lie-in as he was usually the one that made it.

“Good morning Will! How many pancakes do you want?” Will took one whiff of the air and his mouth was watering, but he resisted and just asked for one, claiming that he wasn’t particularly hungry.

“You sure?” Joyce looked confused, pancakes were Will’s favourite.

“Yeah, I’m sure, just one.” Will smiled as innocently as possible, really he wanted as many pancakes as humanly possible, but after last night, he couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes.

“Okay then, one pancake for Mr. Will Byers.” She handed him the plate as if she were a waiter which made them both giggle, Joyce was incredible at diffusing a tense situation.

“Ahh, Mr. Jonathan Byers has awoken!” Jonathan groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Bad sleep, need coffee.” Jonathan practically fell into his seat and accepted a steaming mug as if he had been stranded on an island without water and someone had just passed him a bottle of the stuff. “Thank you, thank you.” Jonathan took a sip of the drink, finishing with a deep sigh.

“Good morning.” Will smiled at Jonathan who was now looking much more alive.

“Morning, Will, I see you have a pancake… Mom… Please can I have a pancake too?” Jonathan tried to do some puppy dog eyes, but failed horribly.

“Only if you promise not to do that face again, I think I’ll have nightmares!” Joyce teased, placing two pancakes on Jonathan’s plate, “Just kidding, love you honey.”

“Thank you, mom.” Jonathan tucked into his pancakes.

Joyce served herself two pancakes along with a mug of coffee, and sat down with the boys. They would both be working again that day, but Joyce and Jonathan agreed that they’d feel more comfortable if Will wasn’t alone,

“How about you invite Mike over?” Jonathan suggested, Will agreed, he had been over Mike’s so much recently, it was about time to return the favour.

“I’ll call Karen.”

 

12: Mike arrives

A knock at the door, signally Mike’s arrival, interrupted Will’s drawing, but he didn’t mind. He opened the door to a slightly out of breath Mike, complaining about how he was so unfit, Will had to hold back a giggle, in part laughing at his friend’s red face, but also at the statement, no way in hell was Mike ‘unfit’.

Will took a moment to study Mike’s face, he hadn’t done a bad job, but nothing was as good as the real thing. His cheekbones looked particularly lovely today. Mike caught him staring, Will blushed a deep shade of red, but brushed it off as being deep in thought.

They played Will’s Atari for a while, deciding what they’d do that day, they finished a game and went on a bike ride around Mirkwood.

Unintentionally, they ended up at the quarry. Mike told Will the story of how Troy and James had pursued them to this location, and Dustin had been held at knife point. Mike had jumped off the edge, so certain that he would die, and then he was rescued by Eleven, who proceeded to break Troy’s arm. Apparently the noise that his crunching bone made was both the most horrifying and satisfying thing he’d ever heard.

“You liked her, didn’t you?” It was obvious, the way Mike spoke about Eleven, he gushed over her.

“Yeah, we kissed, it was such a bad kiss, from my side, but it was still my first kiss, it was amazing.” Mike paused, “But that was the last conversation we had, and will probably ever have.”

“Do you miss her?” An obvious question that Will felt bad for asking as soon as he had.

“Of course I miss her, she is the only person I’ve ever loved.” For some reason, at this statement, Will felt very disappointed.

“Maybe she’ll come back, I’m sure she’s not dead!” Though disappointed, Will couldn’t have Mike feeling upset, so tried to reassure him.

“I hope so!” Mike perked up a little, they walked down the quarry until they got to the water, laying their bikes down, they sat, taking in the view.

After a few minutes, Will heard snuffling from Mike.

“Hey, what’s up?” turning around, Mike had tears streaming down his face.

“I’m so happy you’re back, this place, it’s not a good place, this is where I thought you were dead.” Mike wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, “But you’re here, you’re alive and safe. I missed you so much, Will.”

At that, Will took the crying Mike Wheeler into his arms, doing his best to comfort him. They hadn’t talked much about the week when Will was in the Upside Down, it was almost taboo to bring it up.

“It was scary, that place.” Mike lifted his head from Will’s shoulder. “I didn’t think I’d ever get out, I thought I’d die there. It was so cold, so dark. To be honest, death would be better than staying in that place any longer. When,” Will hesitated, “when, that _monster_ , got me, I didn’t try to fight, not that I had the energy to fight it anyway, I just gave up.”

“What did you eat in there?” Mike was curious, he had been wondering for a while, but too scared to ask.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Mike almost screamed. “You were in there for a whole week! You didn’t eat anything?”

“No, nothing, the food in my house was completely inedible, and I had nothing in my backpack. The hunger hurt at first, but I became numb, too concerned with staying alive to worry about food.” _If only I could feel that numbness right now_ , Will left out that part, he threw up what little breakfast he had had that morning, and it was now about lunchtime, which Mike pointed out as they walked over to their bikes.

 

13: Lunch

“What do you want in your sandwich?” Will grabbed two slices of bread and Mike’s choice, Jiffy peanut butter. He made the sandwich, put it on a plate and handed it to Mike, grabbed them both sodas, diet for himself, regular for Mike, and sat at the table.

“You’re not eating?” Mike asked as more of a statement, puzzled.

“Not hungry.” Will replied, a lie, he was starving, begging for the pain to stop, but still not going to give in.

“Will, you really should eat something, it’s really not good to skip meals, especially not after you didn’t eat dinner at mine two days ago!” Mike was right, but Will just couldn’t do it.

“Mike. I’m not hungry. I’m fine.” Will looked down, biting his nails. Mike shouldn’t have to worry about him, he knew what he was doing.

“Okay Will, just promise me this won’t continue.” Mike spoke seriously. Will didn’t want to say yes because he didn’t want to break a promise, so he just hummed as response, and Mike took it as a yes.

-

“Want to go to my room?” They had just finished the fourth consecutive game on the Atari, “I want to show you this comic that I got last week, it’s so cool!”

“Sure!” They turned off the Atari and headed to Will’s room.

Will realised his mistake as soon as he opened the door, on his desk were his drawings, including the one of Mike. He tried not to freak out, inviting Mike to sit on his bed, avoiding the side of his bedroom with the desk.

He distracted Mike with the aforementioned comic, his hands were sweating and he was trying to calm down before Mike realised that he was acting odd.

“This is great, when you’ve finished reading it, could I borrow it?” To Will’s relief, Mike was completely immersed into the comic,

“Of course! You can take it home with you today, I finished it the day I got it!” Mike yelped with joy at learning this, deciding that now he knew he wouldn’t have to leave it, he would now read it all! Or try to anyway.

Will stood up and went to his desk, folding the drawing in half he slipped them in a drawer, he could finally breathe easy.

 

14: Compare

“Boys!” Joyce shouted from the kitchen, “Mike’s mom is here!”

“Well, looks like I’ve gotta get going! Thanks for the comic, I’m sure I’ll have it back to you soon!” Mike gave Will a quick hug, going to the door of his bedroom, “Thanks for today, it’s been great fun!”

With that, Mike left Will sitting on his bed. It had been great fun, Will thought to himself. He loved spending time with Mike, he always seemed so happy and always came up with great ways to spend their time. Now that Mike was gone, Will felt a little lost.

Will had been paying close attention to Mike’s features when he wasn’t looking at him, taking in the beauty of his razor sharp jawline and his cheekbones that could’ve been chiselled by the gods. Will was sure that if Mike took off his t-shirt, there would have been collar bones, jutting out enough to hold multiple coins.

Will desired it all, he wanted to be able to look in the mirror and see these things on himself, he wanted to be able to count his ribs wearing a shirt.

His thought process had been messed up from lack of food, however not to be wanting food, but to be proud of how painfully hungry he felt and how his body was going to change.

 

15: Dinner table talk

Will looks sick. Really, really sick. Jonathan tried not to stare at his brother from across the dinner table. Will was pushing his food around his plate, he didn’t think he had seen Will actually take a single bite. The drawings flashed across Jonathan’s memory. What was going on with Will?

“Will?” Joyce asked, inquisitively, “What did you and Mike get up to today?”

“We played on the Atari for a while when he first arrived, then we cycled around Mirkwood and took a break at the quarry.” Joyce and Jonathan looked at each other, Will knew why. That quarry had brought so much pain to the Byers family, and now Will was just going there to hang out, it felt very wrong.

“W-was it nice over there, by the quarry?” Joyce tried to ignore her instinct to tell Will off for going to such a dangerous and heart breaking place, it wasn’t his fault, if anyone’s it was Dr Brenner’s, but he was dead now.

“Yeah, it was quite cold, but really beautiful!” Will didn’t want his family to dwell on what had happened there. “It would be a lovely place for photos, Jonathan.”

“Maybe we could go there together after my shift tomorrow, if it’s not too dark!” Jonathan loved photography, and if anything was going to become beautiful after something like that, it had to be through a camera lens.

“Sure!” Will smiled at his brother, and took a bite of food, he should eat something, even if he was going to throw it up later.

 

16: Photography by the quarry

“Will? Are you ready to go?” Jonathan was waiting by the door, camera in hand, they were going to go and take photos by the quarry.

“Coming!” Will came hopping out of his bedroom, attempting to tie his shoelaces in mid-air whilst putting on a coat. He almost fell over, but somehow some sort of invisible force manged to save him.

“Okay buddy?” Jonathan smiled at his brother’s rather convoluted method of getting ready.

“Yeah, let’s go before it gets dark!” Will zipped up his coat and followed Jonathan out of the house.

-

“Move a little to the left,” Jonathan directed with his hand, camera held to his face, “no, no, not that far, you’re out of shot now!”

Will giggled at his brother’s obsession with getting a perfect photo, but understood, Will was just the same with drawing.

“Okay, there’s perfect, now stay still!” Jonathan may have sounded bossy to some, but Will knew it was all in good fun, he wouldn’t be angry if Will ruined a shot by moving, he’d still put it on the wall.

“Why can’t we see what the photo looks like now!” Will whined, he had sneakily pulled a face in the corner of a photo and he really wanted to see Jonathan’s reaction.

“However lovely that idea might be, I’m not sure that that function actually exists yet!” Jonathan loved being able to talk about camera and photography. Though he was sure Will wasn’t particularly interested, he always listened and asked good questions.

“How about you invent it!” Will beamed,

“What would I call it?” Jonathan ignored the fact that he didn’t know the faintest thing about how to build technology, only to use it.

“Maybe you could name it after your favourite song, what’s it called, um, Digital?” Will questioned, trying to impress Jonathan with his knowledge of Joy Division.

“Digital camera? Huh, that has a nice ring to it!” Jonathan ruffed Will’s hair as they walked back through Mirkwood to their house. It was now completely dark, Jonathan placed a protective arm around Will’s bony shoulders. _Bony_ , a little too much so.

“You okay?” Will’s face was illuminated by the moon, the light casting shadows from his cheekbones, more prominent than usual. His naturally wide eyes seemed wider, carrying an inquisitive expression.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking.” Jonathan’s lips curled up into a smile, Will always cared so much about others. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” Will turned back to look at the path, so not wanting to seem like he was staring, Jonathan did the same. Trying to believe what his brother had just told him, it was so hard to, Will had gone from shy to almost completely shut off, there was definitely something not right about him.

 

17: Tomorrow

“See you tomorrow then, Will, good night!” Will’s supercom crackled Mike’s voice a little with the poor signal.

“Good night, Mike.” He took his thumb off the button, compressed the aerial and put it to the side.

Mike had planned a sleepover and likely another game of D&D (a continuation of their last game as the story had many loose ends) for the next day, it was almost the end of the Christmas break, so they wanted to make as much of their time left.

Will didn’t know how he felt about going back to Hawkins Middle, grasping the concept that he’d been announced as dead to the student body and faculty, was very difficult. He wondered how Troy would be around him, would it go back to the normal ‘queer’ or ‘fag’? He almost missed it in an odd way, it would feel wrong if it didn’t happen at least once. That scared him, he needed to be hurt to feel like things were normal.

-

“Will, sweetie! How are you?” Karen beamed at the out of breath boy, inviting him into the house.

“I’m fine, thank you Mrs Wheeler, is Mike in the basement?” Will returned the smile, he loved the Wheeler’s house. It always smelled lovely and had something new and interesting to look at and today it was an odd looking clock that Will had never noticed before.

“Yes, as usual, I don’t think he even left last night, seems he’s been planning your game for a while! I take you can see yourself down there?”

“Of course, thank you!” Will walked past the living room, spotting Mike’s rather odd father asleep on his La-Z-Boy, he had never talked much to Ted, but from what few conversations he had had it was probably for the best.

Will opened the door and made his way down the stairs, Mike was asleep on the couch at the back of the room. He froze in place, should he wake him?

It was for the best that he did wake him, Will decided.

“Hey, Mike?” Will quietly spoke, gently tapping on Mike’s shoulder. Mike groaned and opened his eyes, sporting dark circles, Karen’s prediction of Mike’s staying up all night was probably true.

“Wha- Oh! Will I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep!” Mike shot upright, blushing in embarrassment, “When did you get here?”

“No it’s okay, you look like you needed some sleep, and I just got here a minute ago.” Will gave Mike a warm smile and offered him a hand to get up from his slightly awkward sleeping position.

“Oh okay, well, hello, how are you?” Mike rubbed the sleep from his eyes and seemed slightly more awake. Though kept covering his mouth to hide yawns.

“Yeah, no, um, I’m okay I guess, you?” It was honest, Will was very hungry, he couldn’t remember the last time he had kept down a meal, he felt like nothing was changing too. He felt disgusting compared to Mike.

“Yeah, tired,” Mike’s yawn interrupted his sentence, “But excited to play, I hope you will all like this campaign, I hope it at least clears a few things up from out last session.” Mike loved being the dungeon master, so whenever anything was incomplete in a session, or anyone complained about it, he was crushed.

“I’m excited!” Will took the time waiting for Dustin and Lucas to read a chapter or two of his current favourite book; Stephen King’s ‘The Shining’. It had been Jonathan’s and the cover has intrigued Will, so he borrowed it, with Jonathan’s permission and warning that it might frighten him a little. It wasn’t too scary yet, though he was only on chapter four.

Before long the familiar voices of Dustin and Lucas; bickering as usual, flooded through the house. They took a moment in their argument to greet the book-reading Will and comic-reading Mike, who just seemed disgruntled at the sudden increase in sound to their previously perfect reading environment. Whenever Mike and Will were alone, and the conversation died down, they often found themselves enjoy the company of each other in silence. Mike not being particularly talkative, and Will being very shy and quiet, the quiet wasn’t awkward, just comfortable.

 

18: Lunch

“Boys! Lunch is on the table!” They heard the call from Karen at the top of the basement staircase, the break was a relief to even Will, the game had been intense from the moment they started and it was really rather stressful.

Will hadn’t thought much about what he’d do with food, Karen had always been the sort of person who would notice if someone was getting a little bit too skinny and would silently give them much more food than they really needed. Will always felt bad when Karen would give him a look after he didn’t finish his food in the past, but now he was worried what she’d do if he ate none. Of course he could throw it up, but he would have to be very careful; if he was caught with his fingers down his throat, he’d have to come clean.

On the table was four plates, and Will felt his heart clench. He had to do this, for Mike, otherwise he’d worry and try to confront Will. It wasn’t like Will was denying he had a problem, he just didn’t want anyone to get in the way, especially not someone he couldn’t lose, like Mike. He knew if Mike found out Will’s obsessing with him and perfection, he’d be freaked out and probably turn against Will.

“Hey? Will?” Mike waved his hand in front of Will’s face, they were now sat at the table and Will had blanked out, just staring in front of himself. “Eat.” Mike pointed at the completely untouched plate of food, so Will decided to deal with it and eat. _He could just throw it up after._

He did indeed throw it up later. After they had finished their food, Will quickly excused himself to the bathroom upstairs, telling the others to head down to the basement, that he’d only be a moment.

Will had felt really bad, not just for making the bathroom smell slightly like vomit, but he felt _bad._

It was a sudden wave of dizziness that hit him as soon as he spat out the last of the contents of his stomach. Will flushed the toilet, and after closing the lid, sat on top of it. The room was spinning and he felt like he was going to pass out, he closed his fingers tightly on the ridge of the toilet seat, not caring about how dirty it might be.

The empty space of his stomach wailed in pain, and Will doubled over. He closed his eyes and tried to steady himself, but only ended up making things worse as he fell off the toilet seat onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

He shook, biting back tears of pain and dizziness, curling himself into a ball, he lay there, on the floor; a mess.

 

19: Terrible things

“Will?” His eyes snapped open to see a very concerned looking Mike Wheeler crouching above him. “Oh my god man, you scared me, are you okay?” Will tried to help himself up, but his arms gave in, Mike threw his own arms under the boy to keep him up, which was not difficult. _When did he get so light?_

“I- Uh, I don’t know.” Will felt very uneasy, the room had only just stopped spinning, the last thing he remembered was puking up his lunch, what time was it?

“I think you blacked out, Will, we should leave the bathroom,” Mike helped Will into his feet, steadily, “Take it easy, put as much weight on me as you want, we’re going to do this slowly.”

They made their way downstairs and decided they could manage the basement flight of stairs too, so now Will was resting on the little couch at the back of the basement with a very concerned Mike, Dustin and Lucas standing around him.

“He was just lying there?” Lucas questioned, “Wait, did you say he was blacked out?”

“I don’t know, he seemed to be.” Mike placed a hand to Will’s forehead, “He’s a cold, Dustin grab me that blanket by the Millennium Falcon,” Dustin threw him the blanket, “Thanks, here Will, lean forward, I’ve got you a blanket.”

“Mike, I’m fi-“ Will tried to lie, but fell into a coughing fit, so Mike just rolled his eyes and wrapped him in a huge, fluffy yellow blanket.

“Will, lay down and try and get some rest, you look like death.” Lucas spoke in a very serious tone, so Will decided it would definitely be for the best if he took his advice. He let the inviting pull of sleep take him.

 

“What do you think is wrong with him?” Dustin leaned in on the table, lower his voice and glancing to make sure that Will was asleep. They had put the D&D board (and figures) on a side table, there were much more pressing matters.

“I don’t know, man, but I am worried about him.” Lucas spoke the whole group’s feelings, “He’s been really weird recently, like did you notice him at the dinner table? He completely blanked out, and then ran to the bathroom.”

“I think I know.” Mike spoke up. The other two snapped their heads towards him and began questioning. “I’m not completely certain, but I think I know.”

“Go on then.” Dustin pushed impatiently.

“Well, you remember a couple weeks ago when Will didn’t eat any of his dinner during our game?” The other two nodded, “I came to his house two days later, he didn’t eat lunch, and drank a diet soda whilst just giving me a normal one, then he seemed really nervous as soon as my mom said about lunch being ready, and is it just me, or does he seem much skinnier and paler?”

“Wait, Mike, what are you saying here?” Dustin’s expression had gone from curious, to very upset, and it was hard, very hard, to make Dustin sad.

“I think whatever is going on, we can all agree, Will isn’t okay, we need to be here for him. I know very little about e-“ Mike paused himself, did he really want to say this? He had to come to terms with it if he was ever going to be any use to anyone. “I don’t know much about, eating disorders, but I’m pretty sure Will has one.”

The boys went quiet after that, thinking about what they had just worked out, and how the hell Will Byers, the skinniest kid on earth, had developed an eating disorder. It seemed to blow Lucas and Dustin’s minds, but as Mike had had more time to consider the possibility, for him, it was so scary to realise all of the little things Will did that should’ve been major signs. He wanted to kick himself for not picking up on it sooner.

Will had always been self-conscious, not alarmingly so, but it had always just been a thing that Will was. He’d judge himself compared to his peers and put himself down whenever he was the subject of conversation. Will would always complement others, but not be able to accept any complements himself.

He was such a kind, beautifully pure person, he never deserved to feel anything other than complete and utter love and compassion. It broke Mike’s heart to even think about Will feeling anything other than okay, when he came back from the Upside Down, he was like an empty shell of himself, so frightened at the smallest thing and very sickly. Will had made a fantastic recovery, Mike admired how bravely he had faced all of his problems; He thought that everything was going to be okay, to go back to normal.

But here he was, a weak, thin, Will was sleeping on his couch, wrapped in a blanket. No one had the faintest idea what they’d do when he woke, they didn’t even need to tell each other, dealing with this was going to be an incredibly difficult time for them all.

Finally it was Lucas who broke the overwhelming silence,

“Shit, man.” He rested his forehead into his palm, “This is so awful.”

“Yeah, really awful.” Dustin hated seeing anyone down, “I mean, I would’ve never expected this sort of thing to happen! But the fact that it’s happened to Will, Jesus, he’s dealt with enough for a whole lifetime!” It really was true though, Will had been through enough to make a fully grown adult break down, and for god’s sake, he was twelve.

“What are we going to do?” It was the question on all of their minds, but Lucas was the first to say it out.

“I think we need to look after him in his current state,” Mike chimed in, “He’s really sick, he needs something in his system if he’d going to make any improvement.”

“Perhaps he’ll accept something little, like a few plain crackers, he’s not stupid, he knows he needs it.” Dustin made a valid point, _it wasn’t like Will wanted to die, he just wanted to be skinny, or some-thing like that_ , Mike thought to himself.

“I’ll go get them, so when he wakes up we’re ready.” Lucas offered, “They still in the top left cupboard?”

“Yeah, I think there’s a box of them at the side, bring the box, you never know, he might be hungry, oh and also he needs to drink something, so grab him a glass of water.”

“Sure, I’ll be back in a minute.” Lucas left the basement.

 

20: Talking to Will

It was well past dinner time when Will woke up, the boys had had pizza down in the basement so not to concern Karen with Will’s absence.

Will had woken in a sweat, panting and coughing. The three boys had immediately rushed to his side and helped him sip a glass of water.

He then managed to prop himself up into a sitting position, taking in what was going on, mainly the expressions of his friend’s faces; extreme worry. Will felt so intimidated by them all standing around him, it quickly became clear that they knew something that he didn’t want them to know.

“How are you feeling?” Mike was the first to speak up, his voiced carried a hint of sadness that Will couldn’t understand.

“Not good, I’m sorry I ruined the game.” Will looked down, anywhere apart from into the three pairs of eyes burning stares into him.

“No, no, it’s okay, you didn’t ruin the game!” Mike couldn’t quiet believe what Will had just said. “We’re here to look after you, unless you want me to get my mom to call yours and come pick you up?”

“Um, no, I think I’ll be okay here.” Will didn’t want his mom to worry, he had already got his best friends doing enough of that.

“Can we get you anything? You missed dinner, but I think there was some pizza left…” Dustin seemed to have forgotten their plan and earned himself a sharp, discreet elbow in the ribcage. “hey!”

Will’s face seemed to contort with the question, he really, really needed food, but _you_ _really, really don’t need food_ , _especially not pizza._ His voice of reason was drowned out by the disorder and he came to a decision.

“No. I’m fine, thanks.” Will thought himself a little harsh for his blunt answer, but he really _couldn’t_ have pizza. The three boys reacted by looking at each-other with this strange expression of sadness that Will still didn’t understand.

Mike needed to talk to Will, alone. He decided. So looked between them and the stairs leading up and out of the basement, the took the hint.

“Cool, then we’ll go finished the pizza then, see you guys in a minute.” Dustin hoped there was pizza, all the stress of acting normal around Will was very hard work when all he wanted to do was smother his tiny friend in cuddles.

Lucas and Dustin then got up and left the basement. Leaving a nervous Mike and coughing Will.

“Will, I need to talk to you about something.” It was a good start, at least now there was no going back.

“S-sure?” Will felt like he knew where this was going, he wished he could just escape and not have to be here under the watch of Mike.

“Well, it’s just, I’m really worried that there’s something going on with you…” Will looked down, avoiding eye contact, this was happening. “I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, and I want you to know that, I-we are going to help you get through this.”

Will still didn’t look up, he knew the two words that were about to come, like a seal on an envelope, confirming that he was messed up and would have to deal with not being perfect.

“I don’t think you see what we see when you look at yourself. Now I obviously don’t know exactly what you think you see, but in-“ Mike paused, this was hard for him to deal with too, “I know in some _eating disorders_ people don’t see what’s real, they think they’re too big or too small, but in reality they’re the complete opposite!”

Will nodded, there was no point in lying now, they had figured him out. The thought that what he saw wasn’t real was preposterous to him, how on earth was what he saw not real?

“Again, I don’t know what you think you look like, but let me describe to you what I see in front of me.” Mike rested his hands on Will’s, holding them. “I see someone who is too thin but they don’t seem to realise that, and now they’re sick. But I also see someone who I know is loved by so many people, including myself, and I know that every single one of those people would be more than happy to help you see that you, Will Byers, you are perfect.”

Mike took Will into his arms, he could feel every bone of Will’s ribcage and when Will rested his weight on Mike, he was as light as a feather. It really made Mike realise how bad this had all gotten.

They stayed there, in each-other’s arms. Will was scared, scared that he’d lost control of his life, scared that he’d have to change something that he felt very secure doing; Mike understood, this was going be tough on him.

 

21: Another sleepover

“Will, do you want to come and sleep in my room? I have a top bunk so you can take the bottom bunk, it’s much warmer up there.” They were getting ready for bed, Lucas and Dustin were in the basement making a den out of chairs and blankets, and Mike was worried that the sofa wasn’t very comfortable or particularly good for Will’s back.

“O-okay.” Will was strong enough to stand up and walk a little, he’d make it upstairs with Mike’s help. They got to Mike’s room about ten minutes later, they had talked with the other two for a bit before going upstairs, so it hadn’t taken a super long time to get upstairs.

When they arrived Will had to sit down; coughing for a while, he hoped this cough would pass, but as there wasn’t anything in him to fight off whatever he had caught, there wasn’t much chance of that happening.

“Do you want anything? A drink?” Mike desperately wanted to offer Will some food, but they needed to take this slow, or Will would get overwhelmed.

“Water would be good, thank you.” Will felt awkward asking, but he really needed something in him, even if it wouldn’t change the deep feeling of hunger, he hoped that it might lessen the pain.

“Of course, I’ll be right back!” Mike left the room and Will could hear him running down the stairs. Will had never been along in Mike’s room, it all felt too bright compared to Will’s bland walls and sun-bleached posters; much of the brightness was enhanced by his headache.

He noticed a picture of himself and the boys propped up by some trophies, Will had the same photo being used as a bookmark in a book he had paused reading, it had been a while since he had last seen it. He looked so happy; they all did. That Will hadn’t seen the horrors of the Upside Down, that Will didn’t starve and purge himself of food. However, that Will was still living in a house with Lonnie. Somehow that was almost as bad as now.

He stood up, letting the immediate dizziness pass, walked over to the photo. He looked so normal, his cheekbones were prominent, his jaw as so as it would possibly ever be. Why couldn’t he still look like that?

“I love that photo.” Will jumped, he had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed Mike enter the room. Once he realised that there was no threat, he walked back to the bed and sat down. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“That’s okay, I just was deep in thought, and you caught me off guard.” Will tried to force out a laugh, but it sounded faked and Mike gave him a weird look.

“Are you alright?” It was a stupid question really, but sometimes Mike just needed to ask it. It was always so hard to imagine what was going on inside Will’s head, and with today’s events, it must’ve been even worse for him.

“I don’t know.” Will admitted with a deep sigh, “I just don’t know anymore.”

Mike took a seat next to Will on the bed, placing the glass of water, dripping with condensation, on the bedside cabinet. There wasn’t much he could say, or do for that matter, so Mike decided that it’d be best to hug Will.

He wrapped his arms around the boy, letting him rest what little weight he had on Mike’s shoulder. Will was very cold, there was nothing on his body to really keep him warm, so it was quite obvious that this would happen. Mike made a mental note to give Will extra blankets for when he was sleeping.

Mike again could feel every bone, jutting out frighteningly. Will had always been thin, but had a softness about him, now he was harsh angles and pale skin.

“It’s okay to not know, we’re going to be here for you no matter what, that’s something you can always know.” Will felt warm spread across his cheeks, although he felt so sad and self-loathing all the time, the kind and encouraging words from Mike always seemed to cheer him up.

“Thank you, Mike, thank you so much.” Will pulled out of the embrace, looking into Mike’s eyes for the first time that day.

“For what?” Mike seemed confused at the sudden change of mood on Will’s part.

“For always being there for me, even though I’m hopelessly messed up, you’ve been there to help me recover. I don’t know where I’d be without you Michael Wheeler. I don’t know if I’d even be alive.” They both thought it was a very morbid thought, but it was indeed true. Will had been on the edge of suicide multiple times in his life, living with an emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive father had left deep scars in Will’s life. He had also practically died when in the Upside Down, _come on kid_ , it was like being reborn, he didn’t like to think that he was actually dead, just reborn.

“I will be here for you forever, don’t ever forget that. I don’t care if it’s 2 o’clock in the morning and you can’t sleep, I will still be there for you. I don’t care if it’s a freezing night and you don’t want to cycle home alone, I will still be there for you.” Mike took Will’s bony hands into his own, ignoring the clamminess on both sides. “You’re my best friend, Will Byers, regardless of how you look, regardless of how you think of yourself, regardless of what you’ve been through and what you’re going through; you will always be my best friend.”

 

22: Morning

Will woke up the next morning with a pair of arms wrapped around himself, he was fully clothed, as was Mike, who he quickly worked out was the owner of the aforementioned arms. They must’ve fallen asleep together, he blushed at the thought, but it had actually happened. He was currently being hugged by his personal definition of perfection.

It made him feel very small, someone who he aspired to be as skinny as was bigger than him, he noticed as he compared their arms. Will had wrists small enough that one could touch pinkie finger and thumb together around them, his wrist bone stuck out much further than one on a healthy person like Mike. But Mike was still so much more perfect that him, his head kept pounding at him, _loose a little more of those chubby cheeks and you’ll have nice cheekbones again._ Will groaned, his hated his body, why couldn’t he just be skinny like Mike, sure he had small wrists, but did he have a flat stomach? No. Did he have a razor sharp jawline? No. Did he have a thigh gap? Maybe a little, but definitely not on Mike’s scale.

His groan woke Mike up as he felt the boy shift his weight a yawn before realising where he was and who the other person in the bed was.

“Oh, Good morning Will!” Mike was happy to see Will in the bed with him, but that happiness soon passed as he noticed the melancholy expression on Will’s face. Mike tightened his grip on the boy, “Hey what’s wrong?”

Will didn’t answer, just buried his head into Mike’s chest, trying to hide himself from the situation. He wanted to be alone, he didn’t want to be the receiver of sympathetic smiles and hugs today, he just wanted to go for a run, or drink water and throw it back up in hopes of somehow losing more weight. Today was going to be a bad day, and Mike was not going to help.

“I-I need to go to the bathroom.” A wave of nausea hit Will like a _double-decker bus,_ he thought before realising the song lyrics he just recited in his head, what an appropriate song. Mike got up off the bed quickly, he knew Will needed to be sick with how urgently and raspy he spoke.

Will rushed out of the room and into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door. After throwing up what little anything he had in his stomach (mostly bile), Will washed out his mouth with water, staring at himself in the mirror for a while.

His refection stared back at him as it should; however what he saw wasn’t what the sane saw. He saw a much larger version of himself, almost a burlesque of what a normal boy would look like if he were a little larger. The sight repulsed him and made him frustrated, he had been on his _diet_ for two weeks now, why wasn’t his body changing, why didn’t he have Mike Wheeler’s beautiful jawline and cheekbones, why didn’t he had collar bones so prominent that he could balance coins in them? Why did his reflection not make sense?

He broke down, hands grasping the basin he watched tears flood from his eyes before throwing his hands to his face and falling to the floor. His crying was loud and obnoxious, so he shoved his hand in his mouth to try and quiet it down, once he had calmed down he removed hand which was now covered in bite marks,

“Shit.” He muttered to himself. Rubbing at his hand to try and lessen the marks, they’d pass, at least he hadn’t drawn blood.

Will’s stomach let out a loud angry growl, if he didn’t put something in it soon, he was going to die, he knew that. As long as he had one hundred percent control over what he was eating, he’d eat, he decided.

Re-entering Mike’s room, Mike was sat on the bed, biting his nails with anxiety, as soon as Will came in he stood up.

“How are you feeling?” Will had left very suddenly, he didn’t even particularly know why he threw up, although he guessed it was because his stomach wasn’t happy with how much water he had drunk the night before.

“Honestly,” Will thought for a moment about what was best to say before deciding on, “hungry.”

“That’s great! It’s a little early, but do you want to go to the kitchen and get something?” Mike’s worry had been replaced with immense joy, though he mustn’t be too forward or pushy, this needed to be at a slow pace, he couldn’t let Will get uncomfortable with the situation.

“I guess, yeah…” Will felt very awkward about the situation, but he knew that he needed to do this. He had mentally decided that he’d eat three meals today and try his best not to throw them back up, it was crucial that he ate something, he was sick and couldn’t afford to get sicker.

They went downstairs together, Will was still a little dizzy so took it slowly, but Mike held his hand the whole time and helped him down each step. Though it was early, Karen was up and making coffee for herself and Ted (who was fast asleep in the living room, like usual).

“Hey boys, how are you doing?” They had dropped hands before turning the corner into the kitchen and now were thanking themselves for doing it.

“We’re good thanks, mom.” Mike spoke like nothing had happened last night, like everything had been normal after lunch. “Will wants breakfast, you want anything?”

“I’m okay thanks sweetie,” Karen plants a kiss on Mike’s forehead, to which he blushes profusely, “You two have fun cooking, make sure you clean up, want me to wake up Dustin and Lucas?”

“That’s okay, mom, they’ll be in deep sleep anyway!” Mike laughed as Karen left the room. “So, what are we thinking?”

 

23: Feeling guilty

Will decided that he wanted pancakes. He had to wash out his brain screaming at him that they’d only make things worse, _he needed to eat._

By the time that they had actually managed to make the pancakes, most of the counters were covered in flour; as were they.

“How did you even manage to get it down my shirt?” Will shook his shirt out of any remaining flour, though most of the spillage had been accidental, a lot of it had Mike Wheeler to blame for.

“Sorry, Will!” Mike’s voice went high with embarrassment which caused them both to laugh.

They sat down at the dining table, Will tried to ignore the feeling of dread which was taking over his being, _I am in control, I am in control, I am in control._ He repeated to himself over and over, picking up his cutlery, he was in control, he wanted to do this.

The first bite, and he was away, two weeks of starvation had caught up to him. He had to pause to breathe every minute because he was eating so quickly; Mike tried not to stare, he guessed this might have happened.

Once Will had finished his food, he took a moment to realise what he had just done, he was disgusted with himself. Staring at the empty plate in front of him, tears started to well up in his eyes.

“Will?” Mike shifted his chair closer to Will’s causing a noise that made them both flinch. “Hey, you’re doing amazing, I’m so proud of you!” Mike wrapped his arms around Will’s little body.

Will hurt, the food sat heavily in him, painfully. It didn’t take long for Mike to notice that Will was in pain, once he tried to move and winced it became very obvious.

“Do you want to go to the basement and lie down?” In theory, climbing stairs would hurt more than walking down them, plus Dustin and Lucas needed to be woken up at some point.

“Okay.” Will stood up slowly, accepting a hand from Mike. He felt like he was going to throw up with every step, but made it the whole way, thankfully.

Dustin and Lucas woke up as soon as the basement door opened, and by the time Will was on the couch they were full of questions.

“Is Will okay? Was he sick again? Why is he holding his stomach?” The questions kept coming, Mike rolled his eyes but noticed how Will looked like he was really going to puke.

“Guys, calm down,” They both went silent at Mike’s request, “Will did throw up when he woke up this morning, but we had breakfast and now he’s feeling unwell again, not used to the food?”

Will nodded, eyes closed. He was terribly embarrassed by everything, especially Mike telling the others that he’d eaten, they must be judging him so hard.

In reality, they were all really proud of Will. After he had fallen asleep, Mike told Dustin and Lucas how Will had said he was hungry, and how it was his suggestion to cook pancakes. He told them how he had had fun whilst making them, and it wasn’t until after he had actually eaten the food that he started to feel bad.

“He’s so amazing.” Lucas nodded at Dustin’s remark. “I mean, he is trying so hard, I’m so proud of him.”

“Make sure you don’t nag him to eat, though.” They turned to Mike, an odd remark for the conversation, “Well, though he’s moving quickly, you saw how pained he was, and eating hurts him physically, you’ve got to remember that he’s going to fall down and break so many times. He won’t always be excitedly making pancakes, some days he’s just going to eat something silently and then go to the bathroom and shove his fingers down his throat.”

Dustin and Lucas nodded, this was only the first day, and this was them with him. They couldn’t quite bare to imagine how he was at home or completely alone.

“What do we do if it gets worse?” Lucas asked a valid question, what would they do, and how would they know?

“Well, if it did get worse, Will would be much less social, so that would be a major indicator. Of course he’d get skinnier too,” Skinner than he already was seemed impossible, but Mike kept that morbid thought at the back of his head. “but we all know Will is smart, he’d find a way to hide it, disorders can make people do crazy things to continue with unhealthy behaviours.”

 

24: Bike crash

“You sure you don’t want us to ride home with you?” Lucas and Dustin were riding home with a slightly shaky, but stable enough to ride, Will Byers.

“No, I’ll be fine, thanks for the offer though!” Will couldn’t wait to be alone for a while, he felt bad for not appreciating the help his friends were offering, and being around their sympathetic stares only made him feel worse.

He really resented himself for eating breakfast, especially as it was his idea. Will’s mind was clouded, bad thoughts swirling around as if his brain was a whirlpool, he had become distracted from his cycling and began to swerve off the road.

He fell off his bike in the same exact location he had when he was being chased by the Demogorgon, it frightened him to his core; he felt like his heart was in his mouth. A sharp pain blasted through his left arm, it was surely broken, and if not, very badly hurt.

He didn’t have the strength to pick up his bike, so he left it there; the wheel spinning _as it had a month prior_. He was so shaken that he ran all the way home; _as he had a month prior_. The door opened with a bang as it collided with the wall; _as it had a month prior_.

“Mom? Jonathan?” He shouted; _as he had a month prior._

But this time, they were there, running to Will’s aid. He felt like a small child, frightened and crying, shaking in the strong, protective arms of Jonathan whilst Joyce tried to understand what had happened.

Once it became clear that Will _wasn’t_ being chased by another interdimensional monster, and that he had simply fallen off his bike, they were all able to calm down a little.

 

25: Broken

Will realised that in his panicked state, he had forgotten about his arm; now swollen and turning a nasty shade of purple.

“Will, I think you’ve broken your arm.” Jonathan spoke after inspecting the bruising. “Mom, take Will to my car, you’re too shaken to drive; I’ll be out in a moment.”

Joyce nodded, sometimes it was nice to let Jonathan take charge, the lack of a father figure in the Byers house often left her having to all of the work. She stood from her crouching position next to Will and took his little hand into her own.

Will’s fingers were very thin, much more so than they used to be. Joyce knew Will’s hands like they were her own, having watched them draw for hours on end. Now they seemed weak and fragile. She tried to forget about it, people change as they grow older. _They grow up so fast, soon they’ll both be adults and will fly the nest, and soon you’ll be that lonely, crazy Joyce Byers that everyone talks abou-_

Joyce motionlessly shook her head, no, Will was only twelve, she had another six years with him yet. She had a responsibility to look after him, so _could she get out of her head and carry out that damn responsibility._

“Come on sweetie,” Joyce guided Will over to the front door, he was already wearing his coat, having only just arrived. They walked out of the house, hand in hand.

 

26: Prick doctor

“Try and bend your arm, please.” The doctor instructed Will in a monotone voice. His face was close to Will’s, his breath was too minty, as if he had just tried to cover up about twenty cigarettes. The doctor’s eyes were carrying heavy bags, this was a man who hated his job.

Will bent his arm, wincing with a hiss as it became too uncomfortable to further move.

“I need to take your son to have an x-ray, to confirm.” Will gave his mother an awkward glance before following the dull doctor out of the room.

Joyce was alone.

-

“Yes. It seems your other son was correct, Mrs Byers-“

“Miss, Miss Byers, please” Joyce quickly interrupted, she hated being associated with her marriage to Lonnie, she just wanted to be her own person.

“Sorry. _Miss_ Byers,” The doctor’s tone of voice was thick with sarcasm which Joyce did not appreciate. “As I was saying… your son’s left arm is broken, he shall need to wear it in a cast for three months or so.”

“Three months!” Joyce thought about the medical bills, and wiped her brow of the bead of sweat that’d formed.

“Yes, I am afraid so.” The doctor made an attempt to sympathise with Joyce, it only frustrated her further. She clenched her hands into fists, letting nails dig into palms. _Prick_.

“Does it hurt, getting a cast?” Will’s voice was small, and his face red; he hated going to the doctors, especially when his mother was in a bad mood (which she often was when having to deal with assholes who just wanted her very little money).

“No, it shouldn’t do, unless something goes wrong.” _Thanks for the confidence boost, doc._

“Will you put the cast on today?” Joyce’s voice was audibly frustrated, but it seemed to pass the doctor.

“No. He shall be put on a waiting list, my guess, a week.” The doctor’s voice was again monotone, very unhelpful.

“And what the hell do you expect my son to do for a week?” Joyce stood to try and intimidate the man, although her height was laughable as he stood at around six foot, two.

“He will need to keep it in a sling, and if it’s too painful, he can take medicine. There is nothing else we can do for him at the moment.” The doctor clearly wanted them to leave, and Joyce was happy to take up that desire.

“Well, thanks very much for your time.” Her tone was mimicking his previous sarcasm brilliantly. “Come on now, Will. Jonathan is waiting for us in his car.”

Joyce took Will by his good arm and marched out of the building with him trailing behind her. After helping him fasten his seatbelt in one of the backseats she threw herself into the passenger and aggressively plugged in her own seatbelt.

“What a fucking prick.” Joyce was fuming.

“Mom, please calm down.” Will was embarrassed from his mother’s inability to have a normal conversation, but felt rather frustrated himself; what was he to do with food now that he would have to be looked after?

“Let’s go home, shall we.” Jonathan didn’t even have to ask, he already knew everything that had happened simply from his mother’s actions.

“Please.” Joyce rubbed her mouth with the palm of her hand. _Calm. Down._

 

26: Four days later

Will was sat at the table of his kitchen, drawing. It had been four days since he had fallen off his bike and his arm had been dully throbbing the whole time. As he leaned against the table to add detail to his drawing, pressure on his arm shocked him and his quick, harsh movement left a thick black line of crayon across his work. _Ruined._

Will cursed at himself, he had spent the whole day working on this drawing and now it was completely ruined.

He couldn’t wait to get his arm in a cast, but once it was in, he would be going back to school; that made him want to break every bone in his body, five times over.

Since his fall, he had been watched over like the prey of a hawk. Joyce and Jonathan constantly checked up on him in his room, making sure he was okay, that wasn’t what was bugging him, however.

They had been making sure he was eating right, when he left food on his plate they would give him an odd look; something like disappointment. Will hated that look, it made him feel like he was letting them down, a few times it had broken him that he had given in a picked up his fork, but as the week progressed and he was less mentally tired from the fall, his brain was back to full disorder mode.

Neither of his family members were home that day as it was week days again, they had to work; especially with the knowing that a hospital bill would soon be coming. Will was glad to be alone, he had felt exasperated by people; the dead silence of his empty house was definitely comforting.

Will had sat in the kitchen for five hours. Originally entering because he was hungry, his head quickly told him no, to distract himself with something. Realising that the quiet would soon be invaded by either Jonathan or his mom, Will did his old trick of making it seem as if he had already made food, and packed up his crayons and paper. Having nothing else to do, he went to the bathroom.

 

27: Not real

His hair was ever so slightly greasy and very much in need of a cut, his vision was constantly covered in an odd wisp; this was not what was on Will’s mind. His stomach stuck out too much today, the interruption to his behaviour had severely taken its toll on Will’s figure. _Lies_. Will thought in Mike’s voice for some odd reason.

Mike didn’t understand, he said something about people with eating disorders not seeing reality when they saw themselves; how could what Will was seeing be fake? He wasn’t crazy, he just wanted to be perfect, and that was all.

He stared into his eyes, _it’s not real_ , again his mind thought in Mike’s voice.

“Yes it is, it’s definitely real, how could it not be real?” Will spoke out loud, initially jumping at his own voice breaking the silence he had become so used to. _It’s NOT real._

Suddenly Will heard the front door open, he spun on his heel,

“Will?” Jonathan’s voice carried through the house, Will was relieved to not be alone anymore; he was getting into one of the moods when he felt crazy, he needed some human contact.

Will left the bathroom to see Jonathan in his favourite denim jacket, clutching a big brown envelope.

“Remember that photoshoot a few weeks ago? I developed the photos at work today! Wanna see?” Jonathan was beaming, he loved photography and showing an always passionate Will his work.

“Sure!” Will couldn’t help feel excited, it was a while ago but he had wanted to see the photos since; there was something magical about photographs.

 

Jonathan and Will sat together on the couch,

“You ready?” Jonathan had of course already seen the photos, and was in love with them; his new camera really was amazing!

“Yes!” Will giggled, excited to see the results.

With a tear, the envelope was open, Jonathan slid out the photos so that they were face down on his lap. Will was visibly giddy with excitement and impatience, this made Jonathan stifle a giggle. He turned over the first photo; Will was stood in front of the quarry water, smiling shyly at the camera.

Having expected some sort of reaction, Jonathan was beyond confused when not even a word came out of Will. Jonathan turned to look at him, not sure what was wrong.

Terrified eyes, deathly pale face, transfixed on the photograph of himself.

“Will? What’s wro-!” He didn’t get time to finish his question before Will had bolted to the bathroom; with the photo. Will was so fast that his hands were still in the position to be holding it. The bathroom door had slammed shut so hard that the whole house seemed to shake, Jonathan didn’t know what the hell was going on.

 

28: Truth talk

As soon as the photo had been turned over, Will realised that things were very bad. From his eyes seeming so much more tired, to the way his cheekbones cast vast shadows across his jaw, Will couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It made him feel sick to his stomach, what the hell was going on?

He remembered that day, the mirror had shown him himself, but these pictures showed something completely different. This was everything he wanted to be, but he looked so sick. _That’s you. That’s exactly what you looked like last week, imagine how sick you look now._ Will didn’t expect his body to do what it did, but his hands had snatched the photo from Jonathan and his legs had carried him rapidly to the bathroom.

That’s where Will broke. For once the mirror wasn’t showing _reality_ , he looked just like the photo, if not, as feared, worse. Deep cheekbones, razor sharp jaw, and from the way his jumper hung off his tiny frame, he could make out some ever so prominent collar bones. He was so perfect it was disgusting. It was everything he wanted and everything he wanted to stay as far away from as possible.

Tears came streaming down his face as he crouched onto the floor and curled into a ball. Following this came some sort of scream that had Jonathan in the room instantly. Will was so confused, was he crazy? What was going on?

Jonathan still didn’t understand what was going on, but right now, there was a ball of tears and screaming on his bathroom floor, so he decided the first thing he needed to do was comfort Will.

Will didn’t remember being picked up by Jonathan, only that half an hour later he was in his brother’s room, quietly humming along to Shadowplay by Joy Division. He had stopped crying at some point, and now was trying to logically think about what had happened over the past month.

Though it was hard to come to terms with, it was becoming more and more apparent that Mike _had_ been right about what Will was experiencing; not seeing the truth. Will didn’t want to admit that he had a problem, he thought he was just dieting ( _unsuccessfully?)_ , he thought he had complete control.

“Damn it.” Will muttered to himself, forgetting that doing such a thing in the presence of another person wasn’t really very normal.

“Hey Will, what’s going on bud?” Jonathan snapped around to face his little brother, who now, not crying, was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest.

“I-I” Will sighed a deep sigh, “I guess I don’t really know.”

Will felt like addressing the problem, but his throat wouldn’t let the words escape; if anyone could help him, it’d be Jonathan.

“Jonathan, I need to tell you something.” _No going back now._ “Earlier, when you showed me that photo, something clicked in my head, something that I wish had clicked sooner.”

“What was that, Will?” Jonathan understood the fear in Will’s voice as he spoke, this was a serious situation. Will nervously rubbed at his arm, causing himself to wince. He must’ve worsened the break when he fell to the floor, or at least given it a very unneeded bump.

“For the past month, well, pretty much since the week after I got back, I’ve been seeing things wrong; I think, anyway. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw a kinda _bigger_ version of myself.” Will cringed as he described his size, “And I didn’t like that. So I’ve been doing things that I’m really not proud of, and today I saw that photo, it didn’t look like what I look like, It freaked me out. Now I can see what I really look like, I’m scared, I became like this, and didn’t even know it.”

Jonathan quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, he had notice a dramatic decrease in Will’s weight, and his odd behaviour at the dinner table (rushing off after meals and all), but had never made the connection in his head. He felt himself an idiot, he felt he had the responsibility of always looking out for Will, but he hadn’t been there for him.

“Oh, Will.” Tears welled up once again, “I am so, so sorry.” What else was he to say? His brother had been dealing with this on his own, like most things he had gone through.

“Why are you sorry?” Will was confused, he had expected Jonathan to flip out at him, call him a freak or something; he had certainly not expected an apology.

“I am sorry because I wish I could’ve been there for you, I wish I had called you out when you seemed odd at the dinner table.” Jonathan sighed, the weight of the situation pressing hard on his shoulders, “after Lonnie left, not that he was ever even there, but anyway, after Lonnie left I felt responsible for you not only as a brother but as kind of a father figure. I guess now I hear that I haven’t been good enough, I am sorry that you’ve had to deal with this alone.”

Will frowned into his lap, of course he’d considered Jonathan as his “father-figure” but that still didn’t seem to be a reason for him to be sorry.

“I-I still don’t get wh-

“Look, that’s not important, what’s important is that I know and I am going to help you through this. Okay?” Jonathan could see them going on and on in a cycle, rapidly turning nasty with each other, so decided it best to leave the self-deprecation for another time.

“O-okay.” Will didn’t quite know how he was feeling. While he was glad that he had told Jonathan, he secretly didn’t want anyone to help him, he just wanted to maintain the body he had. He wondered which reflection he would see, and if it depended on how he was feeling

“So I guess we should start this off easy,” Jonathan broke the tense silence, “How are you feeling right now?”

“Confused, and hungry.” Will felt guilty for feeling hungry, he felt that now he had declared that he had something wrong with him he had to be really bad and messed up; though the reality of the situation was that Will was currently just confused, really confused.

“Well, I’m not surprised that you’re confused, you’ve just had a huge shake up; it’s going to take a while to get over that!” Jonathan patted Will on the head, gently. “As for being hungry, is that hungry because you haven’t eaten, but you don’t want to eat, or hungry but you do want to eat?”

Jonathan was obviously hoping for the later, though he was sure that it wouldn’t be the case; he was certainly surprised when Will replied with:

“I’m hungry, and oh my god do I want to eat!” Will decided that he had had enough for one day, he was too tired to hate himself at the moment. He didn’t want anything too heavy, it would hurt him, but Jonathan wasn’t stupid, he would find something that Will wouldn’t find too hard.

“That’s great!” Jonathan tried and failed to hide a huge smile, he was so proud of his brother. “Shall we go to the kitchen? I believe its dinner time soon!”

Indeed it was, they had been talking in Jonathan’s room for over an hour; soon Joyce would be home and expecting the boys to have cooked dinner.

 

29: Acceptable food

Will could only think of vegetables being acceptable food; but that was at least some progress. They worked together to prepare some, Will making the decisions over how they would cook them and what in.

Once cooked, the Byers boys sat together at the dinner table; Jonathan watching Will try really hard to clear his head every time he bit into anything. There were a few times that he was sure that Will would run to the bathroom and puke from the look on his face, thankfully that never happened, Will was able to finish most of his normal size portion.

Jonathan felt like crying when Will looked into his eyes and gave a small smile, it was so innocent, like this was a boy who hadn’t seen a single horror in his life; however it was completely the contrary. Will had been through a-damn-lot, he had lived with an abusive monster, been hunted by an actual monster and had been bullied his whole life; this eating disorder was like the cherry on top, life’s final ‘fuck you’. Jonathan couldn’t think of a more undeserving person to face such terrible things, for god’s sake he was just 12 years old.

They found themselves cuddled together in front of the TV when Joyce came home. Will was silently enjoying the warmth radiating from his brother, holding him close like letting go would end the world; Jonathan didn’t mind, Will was cold, he really needed the warmth in the middle of winter.

“Hey boys!” Joyce unlocked the door and stepped into the house, at first she didn’t noticed the two boys cuddled together. Her brain sort of just didn’t think that a situation like this was possible; it wasn’t often that you’d see two brothers cuddled to close together. Once she did realise what she was seeing was real, she really had to try to hold in an ‘awh’, Joyce didn’t want to embarrass them.

Rather, she walked over to the pile of Byers and sat on the left of Will, joining the cuddle. They stayed like this for a while, no one speaking, all watching the TV but paying no attention to what was actually going on in the show. Joyce had an understanding that something had happened, though not sure what.

She suspected is was to do with Will, though it most often was, there was a look about him that seemed off. Though his expression was that of content and happiness, his eyes told another story. Deep within the depths of his pupils Joyce saw great anxiety, there was _something_ seriously troubling him.

Joyce thought that Jonathan must know, that _something_ troubling Will must’ve been how this cuddle happened; she didn’t like not knowing what was going on, it made worry bubble in her chest. Joyce couldn’t think of how to ask what was going on, she knew Will didn’t like being worried about, or asked if he was okay (he never was although he always lied).

“Have you boys had dinner?” It was the only way of starting a conversation that she could think of; she felt pathetic being nervous about talking to her own kids. Both the boys turned to look at her, their faces both displaying complete different emotions.

Will looked guilty, which confused Joyce, but Jonathan looked worried, this confused her more.

“Yeah,” the look of worry on Jonathan’s face completely disappeared, “your portion is on the side, Will helped me make it -although he was careful with his arm, don’t worry.” Jonathan didn’t allow the words to slip out of Joyce’s mouth, he already knew what she was going to say.

“Speaking of your arm, Will, how’s it feeling?” Joyce averted her attention to the frail little thing, wrapped up in a fabric bandage. His arm seemed so… _thin_.

“It’s not as badly hurting as it did before, I don’t know if it’s at all badly broken.” Joyce sighed with relief, tomorrow Will would get on his cast and hopefully then it would stop causing him so much pain.

“That’s good, honey.” Joyce decided it would be best if she talked to Jonathan about what was wrong with Will, and as it was late there should be no problem in sending him to bed. “Well, your appointment is early tomorrow, so think it would be best if you go to bed now, is that okay?”

“Okay, mom.” Will gave Jonathan and Joyce both a goodnight hug, he was tired and really just wanted to curl up in his bed. “Goodnight” he called down the corridor behind him, looking around to see his brother and mother waving goodbye to him.

 

30: And don’t lie

“Jonathan, what’s going on?” Joyce started as soon as she heard Will’s door close. “And don’t lie to me I know something’s goi-“

“Will’s got an eating disorder.” Jonathan felt like he had just betrayed Will severely.

“W-what?” Joyce’s eyes were flooded with tears, _that’s why he looked guilty, that’s why he looks so thin, that’s the anxiety in his eyes._ “H-how do you know?”

“I showed him some photos earlier, well tried to. When I showed him the first one he flipped out and ran to the bathroom, after I heard him scream I ran in and found him fallen on the floor having some sort of panic attack, it was really scary.” Jonathan looked at Joyce’s expression become more and more worried as he spoke, “He went semi-unconscious so I carried him to my room and put him on the bed. He cried for a while, but eventually started telling me what was going on. Turns out that he had been seeing himself as chubby or something like that whenever he looked in the mirror, but when he saw the photograph of what he actually looked like, he freaked out.”

Joyce just gaped at what she had been told, like Jonathan she had noticed Will becoming very skinny as of late, but she had brushed it off as him getting taller and losing his baby fat; she could’ve never imagined Will with an eating disorder, but now it seemed so obvious.

“Shit. Do you know what he’s been doing?” Joyce prayed it wasn’t throwing food back up, but from the look on Jonathan’s face she knew her prayers were pointless.

“Well, you know how he always rushes away from the dinner table when he’s finished…” Jonathan didn’t need to say anymore, Joyce burst into tears, grabbing Jonathan into a hug and holding him until she had calmed down.

“What are we going to do?” It was the question both of them had been asking themselves, but now Joyce said it out loud she realised that she has no idea now to deal with this sort of thing; and fro the looks of it, neither did Jonathan.

“I don’t know, we can’t exactly just say ‘eat’, he’ll either refuse, or throw it back up.” Jonathan sighed hopelessly, “I managed to get him to eat some vegetables earlier, but he was so out of it I doubt he was even aware of what he was doing.”

“Let’s see how he goes tomorrow after his cast is on, I don’t want to confront him about it until I think the time is right.” Jonathan nodded, “Please be there for him Jonathan, when I’m at work, please make sure he doesn’t get worse than he is right now.”

“Of course, mom.”

 

31: Notes

The day Jonathan stopped letting the eating disorder just be something that Will had, was a month later. Will had been back at school for two weeks, it was the first time he had been there since the Upside Down, and from the little he had said about it to Jonathan, it was not going well. The arm cast was bringing some attention and questions (and giggles whenever Troy would hit him and he would wince or fall, but he’ll never tell Jonathan about that), but the main problem was his body.

Someone had started a rumour about Will having an eating disorder, they didn’t know it was true, just saw how painfully skinny he had become and made a presumption. That presumption had made its way into most of Hawkins Middle School’s ears, including Troy; it was surprising that he hadn’t actually started the rumour.

Troy had been putting notes in Will’s locker;

_-fatass freak_

_-go and starve yourself to death_

_-you look particularly round today, hope you’re not forgetting to throw up your meals_

Will didn’t even have to think for a second who the notes were from, Troy had been saying the same things to him in person. Seeing the words on paper and knowing they were about him, Will was worse than ever before. He could no longer see that beautiful, skinny version of himself; not even on good days. He saw a horrible reflection, he felt a horrible body whenever he’d prod himself, and really he was starting to believe that what he had seen a month prior in that photo was just his mind making things up. It must’ve made up that beautiful reflection too.

Jonathan came home from a shift on a Friday, it was 4:30 and Will was sat at the kitchen table drawing. His school bag was propped up by the leg of his chair, gaping open like a mouth with folders and odd pencils for teeth; this was a very normal sight for Jonathan, Will always rushed in from school and was straight to drawing at the dining table.

What was different wasn’t the cast wrapped tightly around his little arms, or how little he looked; no, it was what Will was drawing.

As Jonathan came closer to the table, quietly, as Will hadn’t noticed him come home yet, he peered from behind his brother to admire whatever beautiful thing he had drawn. A boy, crouching next to a toilet, sickly pale with jutting bones giving him a skeletal appearance, words were scribbled in harsh black next to the boy’s head: **_go and starve yourself to death!!_**

Jonathan felt the blood drain from his face, a breath caught in his throat; _what the fuck._

“Will.” The boy in front of him jumped in his chair, turning round, wide eyes and an open mouth in shock. “This has to stop.” Jonathan walked around to sit on the chair next to Will, careful not to trip over the backpack.

“J-jonath-han…” Will choked out, fat tears rolling down his reddened face, “I-I-

“No, I’m not taking any excuses. Why did you write that?” Jonathan pointed a shaky finger at the bold words which burned into his retinas. The angry was they were written scared Jonathan.

“Because Troy already did.” Will was looking at his own shaking hands, for the first time Jonathan noticed the knuckle of his middle finger had a red-brown scarred look about it, _that’s from making himself sick._ That name, _Troy_ , he just knew it would be to do with _Troy._

“What do you mean by that, Will?” Jonathan made himself take the harshness out of his tone, Will was falling apart in front of him and he had promised their mom that he’d be there for him.

“Troy already wrote it,” _sniff,_ “Every day, I swear,” _sniff_ , “’go and starve yourself to death’ on paper in my locker.” Will buried his head in his hands, slightly muffling: “I can’t take it anymore!”

Will’s body went limp, starting to fall off the seat; Jonathan dove to his side to catch him, barely making it, Will was breathing, but not conscious.

 

32: Running away

Will could feel eyes staring at him, even with his own closed. His eyelids felt so heavy, like tiny boulders were holding them shut. Gradually he was able to flutter them open to see he was in his room, with his mom and Jonathan standing on either side of him.

“Honey?” Joyce crouched down so her head was at the same height as his, “How are you feeling?”

“Not good.” Will’s stomach hurt, a lot, it was like every hunger pang he had ever felt was occurring at once, he couldn’t remember the last time he ate and didn’t throw it back up.

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan crouched down like Joyce had only moments before. Joyce pushed back Will’s fringe, slick with sweat, and rested the back of her fingers against his forehead; feeling for a temperature.

“My stomach, it hurts.” Will took a moment, his abdomen was screaming at him to put something inside it. “It really, really hurts.” He choked out in a sob.

Joyce and Jonathan looked at each other with worried glances, both knew what this was about; however Will didn’t know that Joyce knew. She had thought about how revealing her knowledge of it might be a nasty shock, but now she didn’t care, her son was crying in pain because he wouldn’t eat. That was a much more urgent matter.

“Will, I am going to go and make you something to eat,” Will tried to interrupt, protesting, but Joyce wasn’t having any of it. “You can give me as many excuses as you can think of, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re having something to eat.”

Jonathan thought that Will wouldn’t react well to this, even before he saw the way that his little brother was eyeing up the door out of his room like it was his only escape. After that everything happened very quickly, clutching his concave stomach, Will fled the room. Jonathan’s first thought was that Will was going to throw up, but he heard something that made his heart stop.

_SLAM!!_

It was the front door. Will was running away.

 

33: Hopper

Hopper had been trying to clear his head since the events that took place in November of 1983, everything that had happened had brought back terrible memories of his daughter’s short and fatal battle with cancer.

He was taking way too many anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds, anyone ignorant of the horrors he’d been through would just think that he was a drug addict with issues. _Wasn’t that just what he was?_

Hop found himself walking around the forest, on the outskirts of town; those kids had called it ‘Mirkwood’, from Lord of th- _THE HOBBIT_! He could still remember that conversation as if it had happened the day before, it was the day after Will had gone missing. He had been so naive walking into that investigation, but he never was the sort to imagine such strange things, so how could he have guessed it?

The stretch of woodland he was walking through came out into an opening, far off in the evening sun he could see the quarry; _and something else._ A silhouette of a person, peering over the drop was immediately obvious, the person was young because they were so small, and Hop guessed male as he could see a rough outline of a bowl cut- Hop’s breathe caught in his throat, he could see who it was.

Will Byers was peering over the edge of the quarry, alone. Hop tried to see if he was out with his friends, but there was no one.

“What the hell?” Hopper felt anxious, and not just because he hadn’t popped an Ativan pill in the last hour, no, this was because as he got closer to the kid, picking up his pace as the severity of the situation worsened in his mind, he couldn’t quite believe what he was looking at.

It sure as hell was Will, but Jesus, he was so damn thin. Tiny little arms with elbows so bony that it made your skin crawl, a face so hollow that it couldn’t been chiselled away by a sculptor. The expression on his face wasn’t at all more comforting. There was a chilling longing about the way he looked at his worn sneakers protruding slightly off the edge.

 _He’s going to jump if you don’t stop him._ Said a little voice at the back of Hopper’s head, which from the looks of it, was probably right. Hopper came quietly up behind the kid, not wanting to startle him into falling off the edge. Once close enough he grabbed him and pulled him back so that he was carrying him.

Will had screamed in shock and his little heart had beat so fast that it could’ve burst out of his chest, two large hands were under his arms carrying him off somewhere. He tried to struggle at first, but found that he was too exhausted to do so; the run to the quarry almost had him passed out before he found how _inviting_ that drop seemed.

Hopper felt the little body struggle in his arms, so decided to put Will down and talk to him; for fuck’s sake the kid could think he was being stolen away by the monster again…

“Will.” Hopper said, his voice noticeable less gruff than normal, he was trying to make it so.

Upon hearing Hop’s voice, Will’s heart stopped pounding quite so hard, but didn’t calm completely; he had just been caught in a situation that he’d have to explain. To a cop. ‘oh it’s nothing chief, just thought I’d peer over a cliff and consider jumping, no big deal, no need to tell my mom and Jonathan, just a kid being a kid, right?’ Will would’ve laughed at his own brain’s jokes, but he was in no laughing mood.

“Will, are you in there?” Hopper was waving his hand in front of Will’s face, so the boy guessed he had missed a question and made a confused face as if to ask what he had just said.

“Yes, sir, sorry.” Will’s voice was raspier than he remembered it being, though now he thought about how far he had run, it made more sense.

“I asked what the hell you were doing standing on the edge of the quarry like that, you know you could’ve fallen to your death!” Oh he knew, and Hopper knew he knew, Will was a smart kid but it didn’t take a dumbass to realise that a drop like that would likely be fatal.

“I’m sorry, sir.” Will couldn’t think of anything else to say, his brain was jumbled with voices explaining everything that had happened and why he should’ve jumped when he had the chance. He was also in pain, his stomach had not stopped hurting and the run definitely did not make things better; it was now making high pitched whines which caused a little red flush of embarrassment to settle over Will’s cheeks.

“Will, I’m going to take you home, are you up to walking?” Hopper had thought about what was best for the boy and sleep was probably his best bet.

Will guessed that with a little support he’d be okay to walk, so slowly they made the shortest possible route to Hopper’s Chevrolet K5 Blazer; the walk took a while and Will had to take stops every few minutes, but eventually they made it.

Hopper helped Will up into the passenger seat and buckled him in as the kid was so exhausted that he’d probably forget; he then got into the driver’s side and headed to the Byers house.

 

34: Away on personal business

“Mom, I thought you said that they had told you that Chief Hopper wasn’t in?” Jonathan was peering out of the window at the police truck pulling up to the house. Joyce had called the police station asking for Hop to come to their house, but he had been away on ‘personal business’, Joyce called that excuse bullshit in rage and slammed the phone back on the wall.

“Yeah, they did, why?” Joyce came to stand by Jonathan’s side and looked out of the window to see what was interesting him. There was her answer to both questions, Hopper and… Will?

Will was shaking as he slowly walked, a blanket around his shoulders and Hop’s hand of his back guiding him. Joyce ran to the front door, swinging it open with all her might to invite her son and the elusive Hopper in for some no-bullshit-questioning.

“What the hell is going on?” Joyce didn’t really know what she who she was asking, but instantly regretted her outburst at seeing the expression on Will’s face. Complete and utter exhaustion.

“Will needs to go straight to bed, and I need to talk to you both, urgently.” Joyce had thought she was being intimidating, but this severity to Hopper’s already harsh voice made her frightened and wonder what the hell had happened in the 43 minutes since Will ran off?

Hopper had some questions of his own. Why was Will wearing a cast on his arm, why was Will so skinny and most importantly, why was Will standing at the edge of a cliff, about to jump to his death?

“Will sweetie, I’ll come and talk to you later,” Joyce hugged his little, blanket wrapped frame, “You go and get some sleep, okay hon.”

Will said nothing, only nodded and mouthed ‘I love you’ into his mother’s neck, he walked to his room after giving a meek ‘goodnight’ to everyone.

 

Chapter 35: Sneakers off the edge

“Sit down, we have a lot to talk about.” Hopper had waited until he could no longer hear movement coming from Will’s room for when he started to tell that what he had seen. The explanation was detailed and every time he looked up from staring at his hands, he would see a new expression of horror on the Byers family’s faces. When he had told them about the way that Will had looked at the drop so longingly, Joyce had started audibly crying and Jonathan had a few tears spilling out of his eyes.

“So Will literally had half of his sneakers off the edge?” Joyce squeaked in her hysterical crying voice, Hopper nodded, yes. This only set off another loud cry of distress.

“I have a few questions, is that okay?” Hopper had waited for Joyce to calm down a little before he decided the time would be right to ask some possibly sensitive questions.

“Yes.” It was Jonathan who spoke now, he guessed that Hopper would be asking about why Will was so skinny or something like that, and he knew the most about it.

“You probably guessed I’d ask this, but, why is Will so damn thin?” Hopper felt immediately guilty for the aggressive way he had phrased the question, but it got across the urgency of his curiosity.

“He’s suffering from an eating disorder, we’re not sure the ins and outs, y’know, what he does, so we can’t put a name to exactly what it is, but it’s an eating disorder, and it’s bad.” Jonathan was getting comfortable with talking about the topic, which in his mind was good, the less stigma about it in his mind, the easier it would be to help Will with getting over it.

“Shit, how the hell does someone so skinny get an eating disorder?” It shocked Hopper, when you saw Will Byers and his friends, you always wondered how a human being could be so small, but now without the microscopic amount of fat he had on his body, he could quite easily be mistaken for a skeleton.

“We don’t know, but I have something horrifying to show you.” Jonathan quickly walked into the kitchen and grabbed the drawing that had started today’s madness. It could definitely be one of the reasons why Will was so tempted by the quarry’s drop, if his family wouldn’t let him starve to death, he’d just have to fall to his death instead.

“What’s that?” Hopper questioned as Jonathan came back into the room, drawing in hand, he couldn’t at first make out what was on the page, but as it came closer and the angry handwritten ‘ _go and starve yourself to death_ ’. He took in a sharp intake of breathe, the words hit him like a brick. _Shit._

“I came home to Will drawing this today, I flipped out a little and he freaked at being drawing this. He talked about how he had been told this by kids at school, they’re putting little notes in his locker saying horrible stuff about his body and how he should kill himself.” Jonathan knew that a lot of kids got bullied, but he had never heard any bullying being so incredibly personal! He had been bullied himself, before he decided that he just couldn’t stay on at high school any longer; but it had just been ‘Jonathan Byers is a freak’, never ‘go and starve yourself to death’.

The worst thing about it was, the bullies, Troy and James, they knew that this shit could really mess up Will.

“Do you have these notes?” Hopper wanted evidence, not that he didn’t believe what Will had been through, but he knew that Hawkins Middle School wouldn’t do shit about it if there wasn’t some way to prove it.

“They might be in his school bag, I’ll go and grab it.”

A stack of notes was in Will’s bag’s front pocket, all of them in the same handwriting, messy, harsh, and careless (careless like the way Troy would feel if Will killed himself, Jonathan thought). There were about 35 of them, all as despicable as the last.

After Hop and Jonathan had looked through them all, Joyce asked quietly to see them. She had been very quiet since she was told that Will was at the quarry, a million thoughts were rushing through her head and she nearly found herself falling into a panic attack.

She sorted through them, mostly she stayed silent, bar a few gasps at the particularly nasty ones. Tears pricked at her eyes and threatened to spill down her cheeks, eventually they did fall; Jonathan was crying too, and Hopper had to wipe his eyes at least once. The words written on the cards were so incredibly horrible, Will was the least deserving of such terrible things.

 

35: Joyce talks to Will

“Thank you, Hopper, good night.” Joyce walked to the door with him, still feeling very shaky.

“I’ll do my best to get something done about this, Joyce, if Will runs away again, or doesn’t come home one day, you call that number I’ve given you, okay?” Hopper grabbed her shoulders to make her look him in the eyes, she was so small and he was huge, no one would’ve guessed that they were the same age.

“Yes, I’ll call if anything like that happens, just make sure you pick up.” Joyce managed a weak smile and said her final goodbyes as Hopper promised he wouldn’t leave his telephone until he came and checked up on them in a fortnight.

Jonathan was perched on the couch arm, waiting for Joyce to shut the door. Once she had done so, she came and sat next to him. It was silent for a while, the enormity of the situation made them both think very hard about what to do.

“I’ve got to talk to him, Jonathan.” Jonathan nodded, he would’ve said the same, but as Joyce was Will’s mom there was more reason why she would be the one to talk to him first. “I’m going to do it now, I can’t wait any longer, I need to see him.”

“Mom, be careful, remember, he’s fragile, really fragile.”

-

Will was asleep, wrapped in a duvet that looked far too big for him; his facial expression was so peaceful that it almost made Joyce turn away and leave him, but she could only see herself going mad with anticipation. Joyce sat down on the bed next to her sleeping child, she placed her hand over his. It was so bony, more so than ever, she thought that it might break if she held it too hard.

“Will, sweetie?” She whispered, soft and solemnly, his eyes fluttered a little and he made a moaning noise indicating how tired he was.

“Mom?” Will was confused, if not a little scared.

“Yes, honey, it’s me.” Joyce smiled at him and helped him to sit up, he was now more awake, although he would’ve killed to just fall back and sleep forever.

“W-what time is it?” Will’s voice was raspy with sleep, and possibly him getting sick, although Joyce wrote that off in her head as paranoia.

“It’s late, but I wanted to talk to you before I go to bed,” Joyce paused, her son laying on the bed, so innocent and yet so emotionally damaged; was she a bad mother for letting it get so bad for him? “I’m sorry I pushed you too far earlier, the chief, he told us where he found you… do you want to talk to me or Jonathan about it?”

Will sighed, he was tired of being sick in the head, so damn tired; he wished there was a switch that he could flip and be rid of everything that made him feel wrong. For a second when he looked down into the freezing depths of the quarry, he thought he could see freedom. It was impossible to describe in sight, because he didn’t see anything, but there was a feeling running through his body, _if I jump, I won’t have to feel like this anymore, I won’t have to feel at all._

“I want to be better, Mom.” Will sobbed, “I’m so tired, please help me.”

“I will help you, honey, I promise you, I will, Jonathan will, Hopper will, we all will!” Joyce caught Will as he fell sobbing into her arms, “I love you so much, Will Byers.”

Will cried into his mother’s red satin shirt for a while, the shoulder was dark with tears but Joyce didn’t care at all. She was more concerned about her son, he was extremely close to the edge and if he didn’t eat soon, there would be a big risk that he might end up hospitalised; _he should be in a hospital now, Joyce, for god’s sake you can count his ribs through a t-shirt!_

It was true, Will was very sick, he was exhausted and it was all his own doing. _Not him, the eating disorder, he would’ve never wanted this_. Joyce felt like sometimes it took him over completely, she’d come into his bedroom in an attempt to get him to eat something, but he’d just be staring at the wall or staring at his super-com like he was anticipating a message that would snap him out of his trance.

Everything had been so scary; however now Will was in a place where he was begging for help, and that was the best it had been in a long while. Joyce laughed sadistically in her head her son had to beg for help for it to be _good?_

“Mommy, I’m tired, please can I go back to bed?” A sweet little voice broke the silence, a little boy wanted to go back to bed; Joyce didn’t recognise the voice as Will’s at first, it sounded too much like him before November 6th, it scared her a little.

“Of course, sweet pea, want mommy to tuck you in?” She could tell that he was in a kind of trance, but it wasn’t bad like the others, he was just a normal boy again, shy and sleepy.

“Yes please, mommy.” So she did. Will made a little noise of happiness when she planted a kiss on his forehead, “I love you mommy!”

“I love you too, Will!” Joyce turned out the light, but the room stayed illuminated slightly by the night light next to the bed, _just like a little kid scared of the dark, not a teenager whose seen horrors and also attempted suic-_ enough. Joyce shut out the voice nagging at her head as she closed the door to Will’s room.

 

36: Binge

Will awakened in a sweat at 4am, the house was eerily silent and he hated it. Deciding that the quiet was too disconcerting for him to go back to sleep, he got out of bed and roamed the house for a while. Will found himself in the kitchen.

He didn’t know why he was drawn the artificially lit room, but he was. As if sent by some overruling prankster, his stomach let out a loud rumble, startling him a little, but more making him much more aware of his _hunger._

It hurt, that’s probably why his arms were desperate to reach out for the refrigerator handle and grab everything edible from inside. Before he could even register what he was doing, Will had devoured nearly half of the table of food in front of him; now the rest was sitting heavily and uncomfortably in his bloated stomach.

Will sat for a while, gaping in horror at what he’d done. Then his common sense tried to justify what he’d done as normal for someone trying to recover from an eating disorder; at least he had eaten, just maybe a _slight_ bit too much. Will looked down at his stomach and cringed, the way it pushed out against his tight pyjama shirt made him look weird; the worst part of it, it HURT.

Not just the sort of hurt you feel when you bump your knee on the corner of a table, but the sort of pain like your insides are stretched far beyond their normal position. Will heard the click on of a light from the end of the hallway and he froze like a deer in headlights. There was no way that whoever that was would ignore the kitchen light being on, they’d come and investigate, thinking it had been left on and forgotten about, they’d find Will wincing and writhing in pain as he pressed the heel of his palm into the side of his belly where the worst pain resided.

As each step could be heard coming closer and closer, Will’s eyes filled up with tears and his cheeks flushed with red hot embarrassment. He stood up rapidly and winced as his stomach stretched out, it was barely covered by his pyjama shirt; he’d still keep pulling it down, willing it to fit right.

“Will? Is that you?” Jonathan’s sleepy voice called out, he came into the kitchen and the question’s answer was standing there, right in front of him, cradling a painfully stretched abdomen, “Will…?”

The tears that had been threatening to spill for the longest twenty seconds had finally spilled, they were as hot as Will’s cheeks; so much so that he didn’t even realise they had fallen. Jonathan made an ‘oh’ sound, shock present on his face, as clear as day; but there was something else there too. Sympathy now over took the shock, Jonathan’s eyes were wide with it.

“Jonathan!” Will cried out, desperate. He hurt, so much he nearly doubled over with the pain, _two fingers down the back of your throat could sort tha-_ “SHUT UP!” He screamed, eyes clenched shut and head tilted up, he was trying to tell the voice, but he didn’t exactly know where the voice was; the ceiling was an alright place to yell at.

“Will, hey, I’m here,” Jonathan rushed to his brother’s side, the scene had gone from awkward to worrying very quickly. Obviously Will wasn’t yelling at Jonathan, that much was clear from how he had screamed, like he was desperately irritated at something nagging him. Perhaps a voice in his head, telling him off for binging, Jonathan thought; that brought on the main problem here. Though it was good that Will had eaten, it was very dangerous for him to eat so much at one time. This was especially true as he was not used to having anything in his system, the vast contrast was bound to have him in a lot of pain.

Will eventually did double over, his casted arm was wrapped around the front of his stomach, and his other arm was pressed against the side where he felt the most pain. Jonathan caught him from falling to the floor and helped him to the couch, the faintest hint of natural light was beginning to peep through the shutters; it shone in Will’s eyes causing him to squint.

With a groan, Will rolled onto his front, the pain was eased a little but his main reason for doing this was to hide the evidence of what he had done; his stomach. Obviously Jonathan had seen it by now, probably made assumptions about what happened, they were probably right. Really, all rolling over did was help hide his shame.

Jonathan took a seat next to his little brother, sighing at the constant stream of dramatic events that had recently plagued the Byers family life; how nice it would be for things to go back to how they used to be. He mental scolded himself for this thought, it was no one’s fault that Will was sick in the head, and the only fault for Will going to the Upside Down went to a dead man and a dead monster; however, while Will was back from the Upside Down, Will was still sick in the head.

“Jonathan, I’m sorry you found me like this.” Will sounded humiliated, anyone would be after being found in such an awkward position.

“That’s okay, bud, although, if you feel like eating half of the fridge again, please let me know.” Jonathan joked, and earned a guilty laugh from Will.

“You think mom will be mad?” Will bit his lip in comedic nerve, this kid could have a bomb dropped on him and still find a way to smile.

“Honestly, I think she’ll be ecstatic that you’ve eaten, I don’t think she’ll even care that it was the meals for the next few nights!” Jonathan smiled but his eyes showed sadness, the humour in the air was gone as if it was never there in the first place. “Will?”

“Yes?” Will had looked down, essentially burying his face into the overstuffed sofa cushion; as he brought his eyes to meet Jonathan’s, they were wide and fearful again.

“What did you and mom talk about earlier?” Jonathan wished that he had gone with Joyce to talk to Will, before discovering him in the kitchen he had said nothing but ‘goodnight’; they hadn’t even talked about-

_“his sneakers were half off the edge, I swore I saw longing in his eyes…”_

“Nothing much, she said Hopper was going to help me out by talking to the school-“ Of course there had been more, Will had gone into a trance, he acted like a six year old again, he had called Joyce ‘mommy’.

“Oh, okay.” Jonathan sensed that he wasn’t telling all of what happen but decided not to push it, it was none of his business. “Do you want to talk about what happened when you left?”

Will’s face showed a million emotions and Jonathan felt bad. It must’ve been very scary for him, having that ability to decide whether you _stay or you go. Hah._

“O-okay, I guess I should talk about it.” Will’s voice hitched at his first word and the rest of his words were slow and unconvinced.

“You don’t have to!” Jonathan cursed at himself for putting Will in such an awkward position.

“No, I want to.” Will took a deep breath and began.

 

37: Talking about the edge of a cliff

“I’m not sure why I broke at that moment, but I did. Mom pushing me to eat something just made me feel angry and like I didn’t have control anymore; I didn’t leave with the intention of going to the quarry, it kind of just happened. When I left the house I considered going to Castle Byers, but I don’t like that shed and I would’ve had to pass it.” Jonathan nodded, it was understanding why Will would avoid the shed at the bottom of their garden for any reason. “The quarry was the only place I could think of, even on my run there I didn’t have the intention of standing over the edge. I think when I got there, the little voice at the back of my head told me to stand close to the edge, and that’s when I thought that jumping off would be a great idea; y’know, I could finally be free of all my problems if I jumped, I could finally be completely in control.”

Jonathan looked at Will, worry deep in his eyes; was he going to try and do this again, how would they stop him, what if he succeeded? It was all too much for them, Will was sobbing because he had to talk about a traumatic experience and Jonathan eyes had welled up and spilled long ago.

“D-do you want to d-die?” Jonathan blubbered out, he wasn’t normally one to cry; but then again, normally his little brother didn’t try to kill himself.

“I just want this pain to end!” Will buried his face in the sofa, he was crying in hysterics, so loud that it had woken up their mom.

“Boys?” Joyce rushed into the room, bleary eyed, panicked. She had been aware that they were awake, but thought nothing of it, sometimes they couldn’t sleep; but when she could hear screaming cries, then that was another story.

“Mom!” Jonathan ran to Joyce and pulled her over to Will.

“Oh sweetheart,” Joyce addressed Will with a soothing tone, then snapped her head to Jonathan, “What the hell happened?” she now spoke in accusatory tone.

“Will explained what happened yesterday, I asked a stupid question and this happened…” Jonathan gestured with his hands to the wreck balling his eyes out on the sofa.

“What did you ask him?” Joyce was almost shouting now,

“Do you want to die.”

 

38: Breakfast

Jonathan looked at his mother from across the dinner table and then turned his head to Will, who was sat at the head of the table; he found it ironic as Will was currently staring off into thin air in a particularly traumatised fashion.

“I’m sorry mom.” Jonathan had never realised how terrible that question could’ve been, he had never wanted it to seem that way intended. Joyce cocked her head up to meet his eyes, her own eyes had been cold and harsh for the past two hours, though now it seemed she had had a change of heart; she looked like she felt guilty for being so accusatory of Jonathan.

“I’m sorry too, there was no reason for me to be so harsh, and especially not when we need to be here for this one.” She ruffled Will’s hair and he blinked back into this world, “You in there hon?”

“Yeah, sorry, did someone ask something?” Will sounded exhausted, he probably was, with all the trauma that happened the night previous and earlier that morning he couldn’t have gotten much sleep.

“No hon, no one asked anything, we were just worried about you…” Joyce saw how his face changed from tired to guilty, he knew how much he made people worry, she didn’t need to have pointed that out.

“It’s eight, do you guys want some breakfast?” Jonathan asked hopefully, of course this hopefulness was aimed at Will, but not only for him to eat, for him to feel less awkward in the current tense situation.

“Um, y-yes?” Will’s answer was questioning himself, did he want breakfast? After earlier he didn’t think he would ever eat again, but the voice in his head was tired from screaming.

“Good!” Jonathan flashed Will a rarely seen, toothy grin. “Scrambled eggs and toast?” It was the Byers classic breakfast choice, nothing could beat it in Jonathan’s opinion.

“Sure!” Will tried to give back a smile, though it was much less toothy and much shyer; Jonathan didn’t mind, any smile was better than the complete despair he saw displayed on Will’s face earlier.

“Same for you, mom?” Joyce looked a little dumbfounded at Will being up for breakfast, Jonathan was too though he was much better at hiding it.

“Scrambled eggs and toast made by you is the best, of course!” She exclaimed, though everyone already knew; it was Jonathan’s speciality!

For a moment in the Byers house, everything was calm. A vast difference to everything that had been going on, it felt nice, it felt warm.

 

39: At Mike’s

“That went really well!” Lucas beamed after defeating a gnarly monster, the four boys were back around the D&D table in Mike’s basement; finally completing the game they had started nearly two months ago. Lots of things had happened since then.

Will breaking his arm had made all of the boys feel guilty, they should’ve known that he would not be able to focus on his ride home after a day like that had occurred; but the nearly healed arm wasn’t the main problem with Will.

He had seemed off for a while, not in the way of his eating disorder, something else. There was a deep sadness in his eyes and when he smiled it looked comically forced, everyone had picked up on how when Will laughed there was no emotion, just sound. Joyce, Jonathan and Hopper would know why this was, but Mike, Lucas and Dustin had no idea of the events that took place on a cold January night.

Will hadn’t slept very well since that night, he was eating a little more than before, but that was about the only positive in his life at the moment. Hopper hadn’t been successful in getting Troy suspended and the warning that he had received had made no difference to the way he was treating Will.

“Will?” Mike’s voice pierced the line of thought in Will’s head, “You in there?” He waved a hand in front of Will’s face.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, daydreaming.” Will tried a smile but it was crooked on one side and looked completely in genuine.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, in private, is that okay with you?” Mike wanted to talk about how Will was feeling, it broke his heart to see him so down; considering everything else he was going through; Mike felt that it was very unfair for Will to suffer in silence too.

“Sure thing.” Will responded, Mike suggested that they would talk in his room and so lead Will out of the basement and up the stairs. Nancy’s door was ajar and she was on the phone with what sounded like _Jonathan?_

“Hey little brother!” Nancy shouted, the phone away from her face, she then put it back to her ear, “Yeah, Will’s with him too.”

 _Must be Jonathan_ , Will thought to himself, he couldn’t recall his brother ever talking about Nancy; that meant he either had a crush on her or was up to something, _probably both._

“Hey, Nancy,” Mike waved and then mimed a ‘who’ whilst pointing to her phone, she pointed at Will and Mike gave him a confused look before muttering an ‘ohh’.

“To my room?” Mike spoke with a respectfully quiet voice as Nancy was on the phone, they had been getting on very well recently.

Mike opened the door, he bed was made and his dirty laundry was gone, he mentally thanked his mother. Will came in after him and sat on the bed after being offered a seat; he had been in Mike’s room a lot recently.

Will remembered waking up tangled in Mike’s limbs a while back, that had felt like the world was on his side; he didn’t know what he made of these feelings for Mike, they were confusing and overwhelming.

“I wanted to ask how you were feeling, you have been really quiet recently, not really completely there…” Mike trailed off, looking Will in the eyes.

Will shifted his eyes to his lap, awkwardly. He hated talking about himself, especially sensitive topics; he was embarrassed.

“I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine- I just thought if you wanted to I should give you the opportunity.” Mike mumbled, he felt bad for putting Will on the spot.

“No, it’s okay, I guess I’m just not very good at talking about these things, I’ll try though.” Mike gave Will a reassuring smile, he needed it. “Last month something bad, really bad, happened; I ran away, to the quarry and i-um-I stood right on the edge, I was about to –well-jump off but the Chief was there and pulled me back. There was another bad thing that happened, I went into a sort of trance and ate a lot of food, I was in so much pain, if Jonathan hadn’t found me, I don’t know what would’ve happened…”

Mike’s mouth was agape, he hadn’t expected Will to say what he had said; he only expected things like ‘I’m sad’ or ‘I hate myself’, but for God’s sake, not suicide. “Shit, Will!” Mike thrust his arms around the little frame of Will Byers, who was now shaking, tears welling up in his eyes.

Their foreheads were pressed together, tips of noses touching; Mike was looking at Will’s eyes, Will was looking down to his lap. Will lifted his gaze to Mike’s, his eyes were full of tears, as they were about to spill Mike leaned on further, their lips were touching, they were kissing.

They pulled away as wetness was felt between their cheeks, the tears in Will’s eyes had spilled, but he was smiling.

“Sorry about those tears,” Will smiled guiltily, they both knew that if he was crying still, it would be for a completely different reason, a much more positive one.

“I have wanted to do that for so long, Will Byers, you have no damn idea!” Mike couldn’t quite believe what he had just done, but Will was all beaming smiles and from the dull ache in his own cheeks, he guessed he had quite the grin too.

“I think I might have an idea…” Will giggled and Mike’s chest felt suddenly so warm and hopeful. Love could solve so much.

“You know, a while ago I thought mirrors and photographs were the same thing, but it’s not true, mirrors can be distorted, they can twist and things change in them, but a photograph is one moment, captured forever.” Will had a look on his face, not sad, not quite happy, but content. “I don’t care much for mirrors anymore.”

“Well when we have a house I’ll make sure that there aren’t any mirrors.” Mike pulled Will into a tight cuddle.

“Are you saying that you’d want to live with me?” Will was taken aback, shocked almost.

“I would want nothing else than to live with you, and make you smile every day, I love you Will Byers, I always have, and I always will.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write this, i've had exams for the past month and haven't had much time to write. I hope you enjoyed this, please leave a comment and kudos if you did x


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